The Season Finale

Pink Elephants are the CHAMPIONS!!!  That is the last thing I told my girls after the final game of the season.  Talk about a sense of accomplishment.  I think I am more excited about the progression of this team than anything I have done at work in a long time.  It is helpful to do a little comparison of other teams versus the Pink Elephants to get a more realistic breakdown of success.  I am using my own scale of awesomeness to determine overall results from a coaching standpoint.

Promptness of Teams

1. Elephants - On Time 
2. Opponents - Some on time, most late.

Number of Players In Attendence

1. Elephants - 7 every game
2. Opponents - 5 if they are lucky

Number of Girls Crying Per Game

1. Elephants - 1 first two games
2. Opponents - At least one crier a game

Number of Parents Who Told Me They Want Me To Coach Their Kid in the Spring

1. Elephants - All seven
2. Opponents - I have no idea but it's not seven

Hugs Given to Me

1. Elephants - Five Hugs
2. Opponents - Zero Hugs

As you see from my scientifically advanced comparison matrix, this season was a lot of fun for everyone involved.  I tell you what, volunteering brings more joy and soul filling goodness to the volunteer than to the recipients.  When the opportunity to give back presents itself, grab it.  You don't get that many and you can learn a lot about yourself.

Until next time. 

It Takes Work To Let Go

Trey Anastasio is the author of the title of this post.  I am not that smart.  What I am, is astute enough to realize that, like many things in my life, good things happen when I stop holding on so damn tight.

Case in point, game five for the rampaging Pink Elephants.  Let us start with the final result and work backwards rather quickly.  The Elephants scored at least five goals.  My little German scored three goals and Ruby had TWO GOALS.  Way to go RUBY!!!!!!  As you can tell that makes dad proud, if only I could have been there.  That's right, I had to forgo my coaching responsibilities for this game in order to run a race I had been training for.  In my head, all I can see is the practice and instruction and whistle blowing and prodding and pleading resulting in the glorious culmination of pure athletic grace and determination.  What probably happened was the team stopped playing tentative and nervous and just went out there and had fun.  Good things happen when you just get out of your head.  They say that you should never go into a dark alley by yourself, well we all have some pretty dark places in our minds.

I asked Ruby how the game went and she said it was fun and she scored. When I followed up with a question about defense she looked at me like I was speaking in tongues.  Well, she had fun. Lesson learned and about the race, I finally was able to let go and just run.  I didn't do too bad. 

Last Goal Wins...

How many times have you played pick up games at the park or gym, been getting schooled by a better team for the length of the game, only to have the coach or opposing player say, "next goal wins."

The fragile confidence of a four year old can suddenly be boosted by a game ending walk off goal. The Pink Elephants finally got that moment of adulation on Saturday morning.  Is was a glorious early day.  The sun was glistening off the dew on the well manicured grass.  The rooster tails of water shooting up from the ball as we rolled it out on to the field brings back the memories of countless mornings I spent growing up at the soccer park.  A slight chill in the fall air made a light jacket optional but unnecessary after a couple of quick sprints. Ruby and I went to work putting our cones out, setting up for a quick practice before game time.  That is the m.o. every Saturday.  Thirty minutes of practice, a quick drink, and then a thirty minute game.  While I think the kids enjoy the games more than the practice they do a good job of trying to listen and pay attention the best they can.

More nerve racking than anything is that all the parents are there for the whole time.  It's not like they drop the kids off and come back later.  You, as the coach, are on somewhat of a stage and with those eyeballs comes some nervousness of making sure you are doing your best job possible.  After going through our drills and getting them warmed up I decided to discuss the idea of playing defense. With three games remaining, and us giving up goals like a colander gives up the water, I thought it might make sense to incorporate a central defender into our team.  Last week, one of my players took the initiative of doing this herself after we had given up quite a few goals, so the idea of this seemed to already be taking root. We all walked to the top of the goal box and I explained that one person would stand here and wait for the other team to have a break away.  "When the other team gets close to you, it's your job to run out there and kick it away from them."  This seemed to make good sense to me and they took to it right away.

Once again we played a team consisting only of boys and they had four team members.  This is becoming more the norm.  We have all seven players, early or on time, while the other team is lucky to have five and they don't show up until right before the game. The Pink Elephants like playing and as important at this age, their parents like bringing them.  Per our usual gusto, we played strong at the start but the speed of the boys kept the ball on our half for the majority of action.  Our new "defender" did a great job initially of stopping the forward progress of the attacking team, I failed to coach to the entirety of the role.  My team does a great job of getting to the ball and making the first kick, but they have a tendency to stop and feel good about that initial accomplishment rather than continue to pursue the action.  This led to our defender making the first stop and then stop running which allowed the opposing team to gather the ball in and score...about three times.  Nevertheless, the intention was there and the idea of what it means to play defense is being recognized.  My wife later told me she thought having all three girls running after the ball may have been more effective, that might be true in the short term, in the long term the development is what's important. (that's how I keep justifying my approach).

Finally, with about one minute to play, our little German winger got the ball, made a bee line toward their goal and throttled it into the back of the net.  I blew the whistle (I'm the only coach in the league who uses one) and we lined up for handshakes.  We got into our circle for our postgame breakdown, this consists of me telling each of them how great they did, and I told them we scored last so we won.  They were pumped.  You could see the excitement on their little faces and we lined up for a quick picture for the parents.  I informed them I would be unable to coach next week due to a previous obligation with a marathon and no one immediately jumped up to take the job but someone will.  I love where we are right now and when we play a team full of girls, we are going to kill them.

1, 2, 3 Go Pink Elephants.

What not to say to your kid at the end of a game....

Keeping your emotions in control is hard to do.  Keeping my mind ahead of my mouth is an even harder proposition for me sometimes.  While, I find it easy to encourage each kid on my team and even on the other team, my frustrations with my own kid make me a dick sometimes. 

If you are looking for themes in the past few posts, me being too hard on my kid is one of them. We all want our kids to have fun and get along, and not everybody wants their kid to be the best, but it's pretty hard for me to not expect more out of my daughters than what is fair to ask.  We played another team last week that primarily consisted of boys, and by primarily I mean they had one girl and she was looking at the clouds the entire time.  This team had by far the two best players we have been up against.  I think combined they scored like six goals.  Hell, they even both even new how to do a step-over.  Now, while they may sound impressive, under the context, they were in the corner by themselves doing a step-over to fake out no one, but still a four year old with moves is a sight to see. 

What else was exciting to see was the initiative taken by one of my girls.  After taking about three goals in five minutes, one of my players went to the back and stood in front of the goal and said, "I'm going to get the ball."  She practically yelled it.  I was impressed.  We were not as fast, or as skilled but she understood that standing in front of the goal (even though technically goalies aren't allowed) prohibits most goal scoring in an under four league and she was right.  We gave up maybe one more goal total for the rest of the game and I had girls rotating to play "defense".  Hell, I'm happy if they don't use their hands, don't kick with their toe, and don't cry but figuring out how to play defense and patrol a part of the field was cool.  I have the makings of a center back on my hands. 

Back to me being a dick.  By the end of the game, Ruby was tired, she wasn't running hard and was consistently wanting to sit on the sidelines.  She is a social butterfly and likes to chat it up with her teammates and I love her for that, but we are there to play soccer and she is one of the better, more physical players, and I need her to shine when we play boys teams.  The convergence of her attitude, us getting our asses handed to us, and my stupid mouth, led me to this comment after we slapped hands coming off the field.

"Ruby, you are played terrible today."

She proceeded to walk off the field and cry to mom.  Well, Emily came up to me and says, "did you tell Ruby she played terrible today?"

"Yep."  She gave me one of those looks like, you have to be a complete dumbass.  I didn't even try to plead my case, there was none.  I walked off the field, went up to Ruby and apologized.  I tried to justify my actions to her with a rational explanation and I could tell she new I wasn't trying to hurt her, I was just frustrated.  Things blew over pretty quick based on the fact that 30 seconds later both Ruby and Alice voted to ride home with me. Possibly because they knew we were going to rock out and with Dad, there is always the potential for candy.

I will leave you with this, when your frustration with your kids gets to the point you want to tell them how disappointed you are with them, tell them you are disappointed, don't tell them they are terrible.  One word can make a big difference.

Game Two for the Mighty Elephants

"Do you want to keep playing or go sit on the sideline?"  I inquired to one of my players.

"Sit on the sideline," she replied.

"Okay then. Ruby get out here," I yelled.

And so it goes, the continual prodding, needling, negotiating, and encouraging that you need as a coach to keep the four year olds motivated.  Sometimes they just want to sit out and be on the sideline with the other three girls, pick grass, and drink water from their squirt bottles. For at least three girls on my team, being on the team, is actually more important than playing the games.  I am pretty competitive and winning was always priority number one for me, but we are all wired differently and recognizing those differences goes a long way toward understanding what makes these kids tick.

My wife reminds me that Ruby is not me.  This is a fundamental lesson that all coaches must learn quickly if they are going to coach their own kids.  I get more frustrated with her than any other kid on the team. My expectations are higher (we practice at home almost every day) and I feel like I know what she is capable of. On the other hand, Ruby just wants to run around and have fun, winning isn't even discussed with my team, because with four year olds, building a foundation of skills they can take with them is the most important part.  If I start allowing myself to be concerned about the outcome of a three on three game between four year olds, I have a serious problem.

As a coach, what you can take assurance in, is improvement.  When I see a girl do something we worked on last week correctly, or they offer to show me something (which happens a lot) it is an affirmation that something is getting through.  In no way can I take credit for much of this because I know lots of the parents are taking their kids home and practicing the same drills we use at the fields. Regardless, small steps are being taken and less tears are flowing.  Rule number three is working!!!

My goals for this coming Saturday are two fold, to get the girls to run as fast in the game as they do around their houses, and to make one of my timid ones smile.  If the kids don't want to be there and aren't having fun, then I'm not being a good coach.

1, 2, 3, GO PINK ELEPHANTS!!!

Fun with Soccer

In effort to keep some type of theme meandering it's way through the convolution of this blog, I am going to drop some posts in the next month or so about my experience with coaching my daughters U-5 soccer team. 

This is meant to be educational in variety as I am a highly trained soccer professional whom likes to base my level of expertise in soccer on the use of terms such as "pitch" instead of field, "boots" instead of cleats, and "clean sheet" instead of shut out.  As you can tell, based solely on my Euro-centric adoption of football terminology I am advanced.  In an effort to appear more broadly to my domestic readership I will use the more commonly accepted terms such as soccer.

The first practice is like opening a new restaurant.  You want to start banging away with high energy, lots of activities, and loads of customers, our team lived up to the first two.  As mentioned in my first T-Ball post, having a solid team name makes up for the lack of remembering any of the kids names.  Also, take into consideration the age of the players you are coaching because calling four year olds "killers" is evidently not appropriate.  We, and by we I mean me, decided what we would be called, I was racking my brain trying to come up with something and then it dawned on me. The Pink Elephants. I know what you are thinking, "nice work Ben" but truth be told our uniforms are pink and they have a giant elephant on the front but hey the other team didn't even have a name. 

Now with all due respect to the other team, they had nothing on us.  They were instructed by one of the "Premier" coaches that are available to all teams in the league. I opted not to have a premier coach but to handle the coaching responsibilities myself. You might call this arrogance and there is probably a sliver of truth to that but I have gone to some of the local "training" academies and clubs with my daughter and the coaches they have are typically "premier" in name only.  My assumption played out fairly well in this regard.  The other team had a premier coach and they pretty much were crying and not having anywhere near as much fun as we were having.  Plus, she failed in her first job as coach, and that is getting a team name and doing a cheer. 

Back to the Elephants. We started with some simple introductions and rules of the game.  "This is out of bounds so stop kicking the ball and running if you go out over this line. This is the goal, if you kick it in here we will all go crazy.  Don't push or pull or do anything mean to the other team.  You are on the same team so don't kick each other but kicking them is okay."  Lastly, I instilled the three main rules of soccer for five year olds.

1. No using your hands ever. (we don't have goalies in this league)

2. No kicking with your toe of your "cleats" (we use the laces, instep or outstep)

3. No crying (this is possibly the rule the parents love the most)

I make my team tell me those rules, scratch that, I make my team yell me those rules many, many times throughout the game.  We yell the rules and do 1, 2, 3 Elephants as often as possible. The kids love it and the parents get a kick out of it. 

Next, bring a whistle, my wife found mine before practice and it came in handy on countless occations. There are four fields and seven other teams practicing and the kids don't respond to your voice but they sure as hell respond to a whistle. 

Finally, make sure you stop the game if one of your kids does something mean to the other team.  One of my girls was tackled, and one of my girls pulled a kids shirt.  This lead to loads of crying by the offended player. Making them say they are sorry but more importantly singling them out and drawing attention to it, makes them not want to go through that again.   We scored two goals, which did lead me to a drill we will be working on this Saturday, goal runs. Ruby and I have been working on the airplane and it's going to be sweet.  Remember, the impression you give to the parents and the amount of fun the kids are having are the criteria you as a coach are going to be judged on with five year olds.  If someone thinks their kid is the next Landon Donovan, they need to check themselves or find a new team. Also, I am adding this rather incoherently but remember to bring treats to the first game, two of the girls first questions or rather statements were regarding how much they were looking forward to them. Priorities of a five year old.

Please feel free to add comments or tips on making coaching five year olds the best possible experience you can provide.  In the meantime I will leave you with this.  The other team did come up with a team name by the end of the game. The Pirates...lame.

Armed Robbery

I got a email today from the UMKC Campus Safety Patrol about a recent incident close to campus.  Here is the text from the notice.


"The Rockhurst University Dispatch notified the University of Missouri-Kansas City Police Department of the armed robbery of a UMKC student at approximately 7:30 p.m., Thursday, Sept. 9. The student – who was unharmed – was at the bus stop at 51^st and Troost when approached. After the robbery, the two suspects left the area eastbound on 51^st Street.  Only one suspect had a handgun."


That's right, only one suspect had a handgun.  Sweet Jesus then, I feel so much safer than if they both had guns because we all know, one gun can't hurt you.



Finally, these descriptions are provide a narrowing focus that eliminates everyone but nearly all of the male population in America.

• Suspect 1: Male; approximately 5’11” in height; thin build with hair in a ponytail; wearing a black shirt, blue jeans and black shoes.
• Suspect 2: Male; 5’11” in height; thin build with hair in dreads; wearing a white T-shirt and blue jeans.

 With these clues it's only a matter of time until this case is cracked wide open or more likely never solved.