Today I little piece of my heart broke. A tiny verbal knife opened me up ever so slightly and removed a tiny part of me that I guess I don't need anymore. Maybe as we progress as parents and see our children do the right thing without being told, part of our job as a parent ends. Maybe, just maybe, as we continue to try to influence our children positively and they embrace the freedom to make mistakes and be independent we are supposed to have those moments when we know they are growing up.
For the past two weeks I have been anxiously waiting for Ruby's first all school mass at St. Therese. Now that she is in kindergarten, once a week the kids get to come over as a school and celebrate spirituality, kindness, compassion, caring for the poor, and especially saying prayers to God and saying thanks for all the blessing in our lives. My wife has asked me not to share too readily my personal relationship with God on this blog and I respect her want of privacy. I believe all you need to know is that I have a relationship with God and even God thinks I talk too much sometimes. Go figure.
Back to the subject, my expectations were that I would roll into mass, sneak into the pew next to her, she would high five me or something close to this guys reaction:
In reality I saw my daughter age right before my eyes. After the opening introduction and prayers we took our seats and I learned over and whispered, "Are you surprised and excited that I came to your first all school mass?"
"Actually Dad, I was hoping I would get to go to mass by myself for the first time ever," she flatly responds.
Man, when she hits you with those giant brown eyes and the disappointment is palpable just by the way she is standing there you feel a little bad. I deserved the comment and I should have done a better job of thinking about it from her perspective. I spend so much time worrying about how things will affect me or in this case, make me look good I entirely failed to recognize the significance of this for her. She has been going to church for a long time, she knows all the calisthenics associated with the Catholic mass. She loves being a leader and setting an example for the other kids in her class and this was going to be one of those times and I took that opportunity away.
It wasn't that I'm not cool or that she doesn't want to spend time with me because believe me I was on the pity pot first. What's up is that the things we have been doing, and her teachers have been doing, and her grandparents have been doing, and her coaches have been doing are working.
She is growing up and taking little pieces of my heart with her as she goes.
For the past two weeks I have been anxiously waiting for Ruby's first all school mass at St. Therese. Now that she is in kindergarten, once a week the kids get to come over as a school and celebrate spirituality, kindness, compassion, caring for the poor, and especially saying prayers to God and saying thanks for all the blessing in our lives. My wife has asked me not to share too readily my personal relationship with God on this blog and I respect her want of privacy. I believe all you need to know is that I have a relationship with God and even God thinks I talk too much sometimes. Go figure.
"Actually Dad, I was hoping I would get to go to mass by myself for the first time ever," she flatly responds.
Man, when she hits you with those giant brown eyes and the disappointment is palpable just by the way she is standing there you feel a little bad. I deserved the comment and I should have done a better job of thinking about it from her perspective. I spend so much time worrying about how things will affect me or in this case, make me look good I entirely failed to recognize the significance of this for her. She has been going to church for a long time, she knows all the calisthenics associated with the Catholic mass. She loves being a leader and setting an example for the other kids in her class and this was going to be one of those times and I took that opportunity away.
It wasn't that I'm not cool or that she doesn't want to spend time with me because believe me I was on the pity pot first. What's up is that the things we have been doing, and her teachers have been doing, and her grandparents have been doing, and her coaches have been doing are working.
She is growing up and taking little pieces of my heart with her as she goes.
2 comments:
Wow! That would break my heart! But you're right! We raise them to be independent and self-motivated leaders and then we get our toes stepped on when our life's work begins to take shape! I admire you Ben for your relationship with your daughter and family and your incredible ability to write. Growing up I had no idea you were such an amazing guy! But I'm proud to know you! Thank you for being a fellow parent who us actively involved in your children's development on all levels! I love reading your blog!
You are too kind. Thank you very much.
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