Kids in Stadiums - What is Tolerable?

Just got home from the 3-1 victory by Sporting Kansas City over the Portland Timbers. When I new the best soccer specific stadium was being built in my backyard, it wasn't fathomable that I would pass on the opportunity to be a season ticket holder. Never in my life have I been a season ticket holder for anything. Not sports, art, culture, music, or venues. This was a once in a lifetime situation to be part of something special and there won't be an inaugural season at LIVESTRONG Sporting Park again. That's right. LIVESTRONG Sporting Park. No where else in the country has a professional sports team decided that instead of selling the naming rights to the highest bidder, they would go the opposite way and put a philanthropic organization on the door. Sporting Kansas City is actually paying them to put their name on that. How refreshing. Talk about being good citizens and taking corporate responsibility to another level.

I wanted to get my thoughts down about an incident that happened tonight that has been sticking in my craw. My two tickets are in the Members Stand. It was and still is known as the Cauldron or Blue Hell. It is where the diehard supporters who sing, chant, and dance stand the whole game are located. You could sit but you wouldn't be able to see and someone would probably yell at you. This is where I wanted and chose to buy my season tickets. It's a lot of fun and it feels good to be around fans that are as passionate as I am about the beautiful game. Sporting has done an excellent job in marketing and developing a business plan that will grow membership in the club and season ticket holders by allowing anyone to sign up and become a member. By being a member, you can reserve up to three individual tickets (one per game) and see a three games for free. It's a way to get people in the new stadium and show them the high level of product they are selling. By being in the Cauldren, you can't help but have fun and enjoy the atmosphere, while planting the seed that this is a good value proposition and the ROI becomes pretty clear. My only suggestion on this plan is to tell the greeters, when someone comes in the members entrance, to ask them if this is their first game. The Cauldron is where the free ticket seats are and that takes up the entire north end of the field but there is a section of seats along the northeast corner that are available as well. I would encourage first timers with kids to sit over there and if they don't mind a bit of rowdiness to move to the end section at the half.

The reason I would think twice about letting small kids sit over there is the language. Tonight, there were two gentlemen who were coming to their first Sporting match. Ruby and I got there early (it was Omar Bravo bobblehead night) and we wanted to make sure we were front row about twenty yards from the northwest corner of the field. See the picture below to see how close to the corner we were.

By the way that's Graham Zusi who scored two goals tonight. The second by being the right place at the right time and the fiirst by putting a wicked strike on the ball and scoring a fantastic goal. Anyway, these two guys, especially one in particular were being rather obnoxious, drunk, cursing for no reason and ripping people in the crowd. They obviously were more interested in what was going on in the Cauldron than what was going on, on the field. One dude kept commenting on how the songs were lame, people looked weird, and yelling at the players for no reason. Freedom of speech is something I feel passionate about so I exercised my freedom and asked him if he was going to continue to worry more about how cool he was or if he was going to cheer for Sporting. He didn't take to kindly to what I said but just huffed, puffed, and said no more. Long story short, Ruby and I left at half because we were up 2-0 and it is a school day tomorrow.

What irked me is not the colorful language he was using, I like to be salty at times with my speech, but rather his lack of awareness of his surroundings. His ticket was free but let's say for instance he paid $100 dollars and felt he needed to get his money's worth. Would he really have had less of a good time if he wasn't dropping f-bombs and calling the opposing goalie a fag? Has the bar really been set that low that we have come to accept that in sports it is okay to be disrespectful to people simply because we paid the price of admission. Now these two were the exception not the rule based on the first ten or twelve games I've gone to, it just makes me disappointed that we have lowered our expectations of individual behavior.

I told Ruby before and after the game that I wanted to apologize for some of the language she was going to hear and that in no way do I condone it, but by taking her I feel like I am condoning it by my actions. There is a quote that is sometimes attributed to Mark Twain saying something to the effect of "don't let your schooling get in the way of your education." My kids understand what is right and what is wrong. The values we are instilling in them will overshadow the poor actions demonstrated by anothers especially when Emily or myself are there to discuss the actions or words in question. I believe that if we do this enough that the right choice will be made even when we are not there.

This is a fairly disconnected entry and I'm not really looking for a resolution. What I'm hoping is that more people will take a moment to think about others for a second before they decide what path they are going to take. The damn golden rule.

Wild West Relay 2011 - Get Your Ass Over the Pass

In the word of the Geto Boys, "damn it feels good to be gangster."

This is how I feel three days after completing the 2011 Wild West Relay or more affectionately known "Get Your Ass Over the Pass". This is a Colorado long distance relay running (and sometimes walking or even dragging) 200 miles from Fort Collins to Steamboat Springs chopped up in 36 legs. Here is the synopsis of the course.

"This Colorado relay race begins by the foothills of the Rocky Mountains in Fort Collins, and finishes in the beautiful ski and summer resort town of Steamboat Springs. Held on open public roads, much of this very scenic and remote course runs through National Forests or on dirt roads. The route winds through Roosevelt, Medicine Bow, and Routt National Forests, and through small, mountain and ranching communities."
 
If you want to dig into the guts of what this race is all about click on this link: http://www.wildwestrelay.com/relay_101/index.html

I am more interested in telling the story of my team or better yet, my version of our story. This is the second incantation of team "Beer Run". For the second consecutive year, twelve men and women joined forces to kick the shit out of the Rocky Mountains and have a damn good time doing it. And for the second year in a row we had a damn good time and the mountains kicked our ass. That is not to say we did not compete; we did. Our team was made up of ten women and two men. All of us are reasonably athletic and have differing levels of running fitness and strengths. As befitting of Colorado, bicycling is another strength of some of the members of the team and while it certainly helps with the level of fitness, unfortunately they don't let you ride a bike and believe me we could have used one.

Our race started on August 12th at 5:20am. The organizers ask that you submit your average 10K time to determine what time you will start in an effort to keep the teams relatively spread out. Only ten teams started before us so you might think we are slow and your thinking would be correct. Please don't misinterpret this as bagging on my team. Averaging a ten minute mile over nearly 10,000 foot peaks, without stopping is no small endeavor, just let it be known that the team that won averaged 5:57 per mile over those same mountains, dickheads.

Having loads of experience from the previous year we decided to let Van 2 sleep in and just send Van 1 to the start. As noted via the aforementioned link, teams of 12 have two vans, one active and one inactive. six runners in one and six in another. Van 1 runs legs 1-6, then Van 2 meets them at the first team checkpoint and they run the next 7-12 legs. This is repeated until all 36 legs done. For those of you doing the math at home, that's three legs apiece and around 16 or 17 total miles for each person. Not too daunting when you parse it up like that but considering you have teams of 6, 4, 3, and even 1 soloist, you can make this thing an incredible test of endurance if you are so inclined. We are inclined to have fun and build friendships.

As much as I would love to give you a breakdown of all 36 legs that would be a supremely tiresome effort on my behalf and I really don't think you would care. What you care about is why I feel like a gangster, more on that later.

I was in Van 2 and was able to keep the same three legs I had last year. Leg 7 was around four miles half downhill and half uphill. Leg 19 was nine miles up a mountain with no flats. Seriously, it started around 7400 feet at Woods Landing and ended 72 minutes later at 9200 feet on top of some peak. Leg 31 was about six miles up Rabbit Ear Pass. Last year, it almost mentally broke me but this year I put a damn good run on it. Van 2 was filled with the same six runners as last year with the exception of my sister, Colleen, in Van 1. She broke her collar bone taking a header over her handlebars while mountain biking and had to pull out of the race at the last minute in 2010, which allowed us to have our very own driver. This year she was in Van 1, running her three legs which was cool, because she is a great runner, but kind of a bummer because I love hanging with her and didn't have that same chance. The order of runners in Van 2 were as follows with a brief description of each participant.

Runner 1 - Me - Dad, Husband, Son, Brother, Coach, Friend, Runner, Social Media Influencer Extraordinaire, Tree Hugger, Granola Eater, Do-Gooder, Headband Wearer, facial hair novice. I have been trying to run fast for about two years now, not all the time, only when I'm running and it has been paying off. I managed to best my times in each leg this year which is what I set out to accomplish.

Runner 2 - Todd - Teacher, friend, focused, thoughtful, mid distance runner, excellent third row van sharer. Todd, had several moderate legs with both inclines and declines. He doesn't complain and goes about his business just don't talk to him right after he finishes. His wife Anne, is in the other van, and was the organizer of our team. That is a thankless position and she deserves a ton of love for all her hard work. Thank you so much. That wraps up the male portion of our entrants. He did rock an excellent headband this year but complained later that it was squeezing his skull. The picture below is a fairly representative example of Todd at all times, relaxed, cool, and rocking the Ramones!

Runner 3 - April - Competitve, hard working, methodical, mid to long distance runner, focused, generous, and fun. She got dinged with some pretty challenging legs this year. She managed to best all of her previous year's times as well and did it while running through about seven blisters on her feet. I will spare you any pictures so use your imagination. Basically, in an effort not to slow down and delay the team she ignored the pain in her foot at the beginning of her leg and paid the price later. That is the type of effort embodied in our team. Willing to put the team ahead of personal health illustrates the members of Beer Run. We were running for fun but the competitve juices and team spirit managed to influence runners in both vans to keep plowing on even when they could have easily asked to stop.

Runner 4 - Laura - She is a long distance specialist and is very comfortable with long hard runs. Her attitude is one similiar to mine in the fact that she doesn't seem to worried about the legs she is running or the conditions she is in. Personal indulgence are the rewards she seeks and the cheeseburger and fries from Carl's Jr. was the golden ticket she was running for. I am the same way. Why bust your ass and run across a mountain if you aren't going to get to enjoy some pure, delicious goodness via artery clogging fast food. I love it. I feel like I am repeating myself saying that she had some difficult legs as well, we all did, the whole race is hard but she not only ran faster times than last year, her last leg she managed sub eight minute miles. That's pretty badass.

Runner 5 - Beth - A welcoming soul who never locks her front door. That should tell you a bit about her right there. She trusts you to make the right decision and she gives you the freedom to do so. She is also our resident physician and go to for all things medical related.

"Can I take 12 Ibuprofen at once," we ask.

"Sure if you don't mind peeing blood," she replies.

Sound advice and words to live by. Any pain in your foot, ask Beth. Your legs are sore, ask Beth. You have some puss coming out of your...never mind.

Beth is another of the non-complaining type of runners and that seems to be a common thread in our Van. She manages to best her times on all of her legs as well although her and our next runner Kara switch legs this year. It seemed to work out fairly well.

Runner 6 - Kara - How do I start this description? We have an official race binder that holds all the pertinent information about the race and detailed leg maps of each stage. I think Kara looked at her leg maps at least five times before each run. I don't necessarily want to deem her a worrier but she allows herself to get wrapped up in nervousness. She shouldn't be nervous though, she has an excellent natural stride, the gait of a small deer. Her nervous anticipation before each leg and her shear joy after ending each one are refreshing. All of us get nervous before we run because we want to do a good job, we don't want to let our team down, and we aren't 100% sure how our bodies will react. I mean most of us don't stay up for 24 hours and basically run three 10k's very often. I ran the very last leg of the race with Kara and her husband, Dan. We were her support team and it was helpful for her to keep her going. It was hot, she was tired, and it was the last five miles of a 200 race and I thought it would be nice to run with her and try to take her mind off the pain.

I could run through the other van but I am not as familiar with those folks, with the exception of my sister, all I know is what was shared via this email...by Meg Brown

"I HAD A FAB TIME TOO! What a fun...and tiring race.  Van 1 was a hoot. So many things to laugh about...bears; the ringtone for Amanda's mother; child proof door (and being stuck in the car if your arms were not long enough to reach through the window and open the door; Amanda the 6'7" husband runner; the runner we thought was a hurt, stumbling, bent over Ann (which would have allowed us to christen her "the hunchback back runner of Notre Dame")...who ended up not being Ann thank goodness; Ann's "I am going to be sick pull over" followed by a soft "I cannot get out of the car" (Yep, the darn child proof door); the 5 of us casually watching Mel truck up a dusty, hot, step Deadman's Pass until Mel, in response to our "do you need anything" reminded us to take her picture, causing us to jump into action and run after her with cameras like we were paparazzi; my awesome Road Crew moment when I was too busy talking to Humpal-Otts Van and did not notice Ann running by wanting water; Mel eating/drinking pasta from a baggie; getting shot with Nerf bullet by random Van; "Gotta get-get, gotta get-get, gotta get-get, gotta g-g-g-get-get, get-get BOOM, BOOM, BOOM gotta get-get BOOM, BOOM, BOOM"; Colleen banning us from her leg; Ann D. almost having to do a dive off the road to avoid being hit by idiots (not funny...but memorable); Amanda's rocking (and twisting) third leg on a bum leg; Ann G.'s final sprint; picnic at the top of Rabbit Ears; Amanda hiding behind the people getting their picture taken in front of the Rabbit Ears Pass sign and giving them "bunny ears". Thanks again Mel for letting us use your/Larisa's car. Thanks for driving Jen."

P.S. Thanks Ben for driving back to Fort Collins with me. Would have been a long trip without the company.

Regarding that ride back to Fort Collins. I had to jump on a plane the next morning and fly back to Kansas City to be with my wife and kids. They are nice enough to allow me to travel out for this race so it's the least I can do to get home fast and not miss much time with them. I took the trip back with Meg Brown, the author of the above email about Van 1. We spoke for maybe two minutes prior to riding back so we weren't old friends or really even acquaintances but we have mutual friends and just raced on Team Beer Run so it was all good. Meg is awesome. The conversation was awesome, the drive itself was awesome, and the burgeoning friendship was awesome. Again, another benefit running has brought into my life, new friends and new ways of thinking.

Finally, I was tweeting back and forth with a member of team "Uncomfortably Log Hug" and she asked me if I had any tips I would share with people thinking about doing this race. I shared them with her and thought it was be fitting here as well.

1. Get a Driver – having someone drive so that all the others in the van can rest helps.
2. Get a Big Ass Van – the more room the better.
3. Travel Light – I took a different pair of socks, shirts, underwear, and headband for each leg, plus a hoodie, one long sleeve shirt, my favorite pair of running shorts, and one pair of warm pants. That’s all. Gloves are optional but my hands were cold on my night leg run.
4. Eat Light – I ate the same pre-race meal before each leg. Banana and half a sandwich. I never ate to full. You don’t have enough time between legs to digest your food and end up feeling heavy and lethargic.
5. Sleep is Overrated – you run a marathon in 3 or 4 hours and run 30 -40 miles in 24 hours. You don’t sleep during a marathon so why do you need to when you are running in separate legs. Most of us aren’t used to staying up for 24 hours straight so you may want to practice that once before you head out for the relay.
6. Run Like You Train – I had two “very hard” category legs with loads of elevation gain and little descend, therefore I ran lots of five and seven mile runs on the treadmill uphill the entire time. We don’t have any nine mile hills in Kansas City.
This isn’t advice so much as it is things that worked for me. I ran the same three legs this year that I ran last year and was faster on all three of them. I even managed to get up leg 31 “Rabbit Ears” in less than 45 minutes.

That's all I got folks. Team Beer Run 2011 finished in 67th place overall and 12 in the Mixed division. While it is still up in the air as to whether we will field a team next year I am always down with a reunion tour. Oh and you may be wondering why it feels good to be a gangster? Well, it's because the gang I run with just kicked some ass.

Peace and Love to all my old and new friends.

The Big Jump - High Dive Style

At the ripe old age of five my eldest jumped off the high dive to my sheer delight. She's awesome.

Kicking Ass and Taking Names - Ruby Style

Last Saturday we wrapped up the Grand National AAU Judo Championship in Kearney, Missouri. This was the second tournament that Ruby had ever participated in and probably her best. She got to experience the high was winning her division, and the disappointment of finishing second in the combined bracket (boys and girls). My big takeaway from the whole event was the she hates losing just as much as me. When she got beat by a young boy in her finals match she came off the mat with her head high but started crying as soon as she got over to me.

"Did you try as hard as you could?" I asked.

"Yes, but I don't know what happened," said Ruby.

"Talk to your coach and then take what he says and we can practice to get better and not make the same mistakes." I said.

"Okay Dad."

I cried when I lost all the way through high school. It was part passion, disappointment, and temper but in the end it made me work harder. I hope she channels that the same way I did.

Check out her sweet takedown and pin in the girls finals match.

Why Compete? by Kenney Brink

I am taking a moment to share a piece written by my daughter's Judo coach. It speaks to why I encouraged Ruby to do this sport and why we need more coaches like Kenney Brink. 

In a recent conversation I heard someone say, “It’s better for young players to focus on the fundamentals of the game instead of winning and losing. There can be a lot of anguish associated with com-petitive sports for young players”.

It got me to think about how the kids in the class were talking about some of the other entry level sports that they competed in and how they don’t keep score, there are no winners, everyone gets to bat or shoot the ball there are no team trophies. Everyone gets the same generic award and the same generic end of the season party. Life isn’t generic; competition varies in every day functions. I believe that many youth sports are missing the coaches and parents who know how to set the essential ground rules for healthy competition for their athletes.

Since our club was formed, I’ve witnessed an underlying fear or reluctance by many of our kids to compete in a tournament. Some of the kids that do compete are so overcome with anxiety that they struggle to perform during the match. After speaking too many of the kids after the match about how they thought it went, many just answer “I don’t like to compete” or a parent will inform me that they are “afraid it will ruin my child’s confidence.” Judo is a tough and challenging physically and mentally. No one has ever gained confidence without having overcome a significant personal challenge. A parent who shelters their child from challenging situations will keep their child
from developing the vary skill they want their child to learn.

My personal belief on this matter is that competition is an important valuable and critical element of our society. Every child, during the course of his or her lifetime must compete in some form. It may be for grades in school, on the playground with friends or even in the work place for advancement. At some point a child must be empowered with philosophies and values about competition. Reflecting on my own childhood I began to realize that not everyone has had the advantage of experiencing a unique coach or leader who was able to instill a positive philosophy about competition that I had. There are many parents that don’t understand the attitude towards healthy competition.

Through my years of coaching I’ve watched children quit because of a bad experience they had during a tournament. Regardless of the sport or child, it can usually be traced back to parents, coaches or a family member who is solely focused on winning and that the child learns to associate losing with failure. Many times losing for these kids’ results in a verbal or physical punishment. It makes sense why kids don’t like to compete?

During a tournament we ask that a child does their very best, gives 100% effort during the match and utilizes the skills that they have been taught. Winning is not based on the end result of the match but what happened during the match. Did the child gain ground on an opponent that they had lost too previously, did they work in the new technique they just learned, how did they handle themselves after the match was over, regardless if they won or lost. If the end result is a victory…great, but should they lose, then it is my responsibility to figure out why and help them improve. As the child matures this becomes a team effort. This approach empowers the child to focus on something within their control, personal performance. It teaches them to ignore things outside their control, like the draw of the bracket, referees, or what color the opponent’s belt is. It’s a simplified approach to focus on one thing which allows the child to be more suc-cessful.

In our program, we teach self-confidence, self-discipline, self-control and self-respect. These are all life skills that are acquired as a result of an extended participation within our program; these are not skills that can be taught within one or two sessions. One of my fundamental beliefs is that empowering the child’s belief about competition will help them become more self reliant, mentally tough and self confident. By avoiding competition kids may be missing out on the real lessons Judo has to offer.

Why Compete?
By Ken Brink

Getting Older - It's Not All Wrinkles and Late Night Pees

It has been a good month that is for sure. It hard for me to imagine a better time in my life than the present. While this may seem somewhat contradictory considering the sluggish economy, the wars being fought over seas, and political acrimony and negative partisanship of our current political climate, on the whole my life has never been better. I apologize in advance if this comes off as being particularly braggadocios  but I believe if you read this to the end you will find it's more about a perspective on living life on life's terms and not being controlled by things you can't control.

About a month ago I was lucky enough to spend almost a week in Colorado with my best friends in life. These are my four best guy friends in the world, one best chick friend, my wife and their significant others. For full disclosure one guy, who shall remain nameless, let's just say he always has someone significant in his life just never significant to come along, is one of the four best dudes. In total 11 people who, if I had to pick, I would live with on a deserted island and eat them if I had to. That's love. All of us with kids left them with the Grandparents (thanks Dad) and managed to work it out that we could all make it there. Only two of us live in the same town so our logistics were challenged but easily overcome. For nearly a week, we were able to eat, tell the same stories again, golf, ski, hike, run, play Frisbee, shoot pool, sit in the hot tub, play games, and just chill. I am old enough now to appreciate how lucky I am to be blessed with such stand up people in my life and how regardless of other perceptions of you early in life, if you do the right thing, life usually works out. We are going to do this again next year and are already planning.

The day after we got home my wife and my two beautiful, young daughters were seated outside the 18 yard box in LiveStrong Park (home of Sporting Kansas City) to watch the United States Men's National team play Guadaloupe in the pool play portion of the Gold Cup. Electric is the only way to describe it. 20,000 USA fans packed to the gills signing songs, wailing on the horns and drums, dancing and supporting the team like no other. It was one of those moments where you feel so much pride to be an American and being blessed with the  opportunity to share this with my girls and plant the seed for their love of this game was awesome. Five years ago, if you would have told me I would be a season ticket holder to a professional soccer team in Kansas City, I probalby would have asked if you were ill. Now, not only do I get to sit front row for the opening season of the best soccer specific stadium in the United States but so do my girls. For a month now, it's been soccer, goals, signing, dancing, and sharing one of my passions with the loves of my life.

Every Wednesday this summer I have been doing a continued soccer practice session for the Yellow Bugs. The girls from the rec team join Ruby and I at a school by my house to kick the ball around and learn some new skills. They bring their friends and siblings, we keep it informal and fun, while the parents sit in lawn chairs and laugh at me while I run around. They get hot, the fall down, they don't feel like running sometimes, and they every once in a while cry (that is breaking rule number three) but they keep coming back. I don't get paid, nor do I want to. Again, it's about doing something I love and sharing it with someone.

Last week, we made our annual trip down the street to Parkville for the July Fourth weekend Carnival. Ruby is now tall enough to ride some big kid rides and thinks she is the bomb! Little Alice even gets in on the act riding the scrambler with just Ruby and her cousin. It's pretty amazing to see how independent they are becoming and how much sassier they can be. Dear God they act like they know everything. I have no idea where that got that from.... Anyway, the carnival was moved to the high school due to Missouri River flooding but no homes in Parkville have been affected and the sandbags are holding to protect the businesses so not all is tragic. Our family river park is underwater and explaining a flood is more challenging than I thought but it is a good lesson on helping others and how we must be respectful of mother nature.

Last night, we got back in town from a fantastic trip to Iowa to see my Mom, step Dad, my sister, my niece, nephew, and Uncle John. Great bonding time, very relaxing, and great conversation. Not to get to personal but my family has undergone some serious changes in the last ten years and it finally seems to be getting normal again. Time does heal all wounds, even the deep ones, they just take longer and you have to keep them clean. After a weekend of good food, water gun fights, parades, fireworks, a live band, dancing, a bounce house, and a day at the lake we enjoyed a great ride home. I highly recommend driving from Des Moines to Kansas City from 8pm to 11pm on July 4th. It's like a giant fireworks extravaganza.. In every direction you look you see bright bursting flowers on the horizon while smoke pours across the road like a stage at a Phish concert. Eerily magical.

Finally, today my oldest nephew turned 14 and yesterday my old man turned 65. My dad is currently set to ride across Iowa with his older brother in Ragbrai. Two old men riding over 300 miles in their 60's for fun. I pray that I live my life that way and make it to that day as well. I have learned many lessons from my Dad and my nephew, each entirely different but meaningful in their own way. I used to think no one could teach me anything and that I could do it all on my own. Each day I allow myself to listen to others, not judge, and try to just be myself, things have a tendency to work out okay.

You know my car needs four new tires, my house is worth almost 10% less now than when I bought it, we don't have a whole lot in savings, and sometimes my kids make me lose my cool but you know what, life is certainly been good to me. I guess what I am trying to say is we all have a lot of things we can stress out on and there are times when the pressures of work, home, school, relationships, and change seem overwhelming. What I am finding is that if I honestly look at my life on balance I shouldn't complain about anything.

Today I was able to get up, go to work, run at lunch, watch Ruby at Judo, eat some dinner, read a book to my Alice, and write this blog. I have one more thing to do and it involves saying thanks to someone much greater than me. Amen.

Learning to Swim

Talk about an amazing couple of weeks in the swimming lives of my little ones. I have to share this story and I would imagine that most of you will or have a similar story you can tell. Ruby has been doing her best to get better on floating on her own and swimming from me or Emily to the side of the pool. Headstrong is a good way to describe her but stubborn as a mule is more apropos.

With summer upon us and with Emily taking the kids to the pool almost daily I was wondering how long it would take for Ruby to really get it. Yesterday she got it. The YMCA has a multicolor, coding bracket system to identify the ability levels of swimmers. Similar to the Department of Homeland Security "threat level" warning system. Green is for "swimmers". They can swim in any part of the pool and don't have to have parental supervision...unless they are under eight (sorry Ruby). For homeland security this means you are free to travel throughout the country to large outdoor venues and you probably will only be partially groped by security.

The second level of swimming ability is Red. This is for those who haven't taken the swim test yet but are older than five. All this really means is if you drown wearing one of these you are pretty old and it's another way for kids to tease and make fun of each other. "Hey Tommy, I see you still can't swim on your own, you loser." Hey kids are harsh but don't feel too bad for Tommy, he is thirty two. In homeland security parlance, Red is for eminent death. Terrorists are probably standing next to you and you are more than likely going to die. Be prepared for full cavity searches and possibly more action than you've had in a long time when you go through security.

The final YMCA swim level is Blue. This is for all "non-swimmers" and kids under five and their parents. I rock my blue swim band even outside the pool so people might think I have been clubbing or somewhere exciting. Alice sports her blue band with pride but God forbid I put it on too tight and she can't dangle it. God help us if their is no dangling. In homeland security parlance blue is for guarded. You should keep your awareness up and keep your eyes open for any strange looking fellows who happen to be sweating and wearing explosive vests. The explosive vests are usually a dead give away and it's usually a strong indication of terrorist activity.

The big news is that Ruby is now a green level swimmer. It was pretty freaking awesome. The YMCA test is to swim the length of the pool (25 meters) that's 82 feet or 27 yards for all my Republican friends, without stopping, touching the wall or the lane divider. I mean I get tired swimming that far let alone a five year old. Emily and her went to the lap lane to practice and see if she could possibly do it. She made it in practice so of course Ruby wanted to do it right away. They went and got the lifeguard who administers the test and she jumped in and was on her way. She does her own version of the crawl/breast stroke and ever so slowly bobbed her way down the lane and made it. They put her name in the official "swimmer" book and gave her the coveted green bracelet. I don't think she could smile any bigger. My eyes got a bit moist but I just put my head underwater and opened my eyes so I could contribute any watering eyes to the chlorine. Man, she was thrilled and so was I.

Now if she could just ride a bike...