Getting Older - It's Not All Wrinkles and Late Night Pees

It has been a good month that is for sure. It hard for me to imagine a better time in my life than the present. While this may seem somewhat contradictory considering the sluggish economy, the wars being fought over seas, and political acrimony and negative partisanship of our current political climate, on the whole my life has never been better. I apologize in advance if this comes off as being particularly braggadocios  but I believe if you read this to the end you will find it's more about a perspective on living life on life's terms and not being controlled by things you can't control.

About a month ago I was lucky enough to spend almost a week in Colorado with my best friends in life. These are my four best guy friends in the world, one best chick friend, my wife and their significant others. For full disclosure one guy, who shall remain nameless, let's just say he always has someone significant in his life just never significant to come along, is one of the four best dudes. In total 11 people who, if I had to pick, I would live with on a deserted island and eat them if I had to. That's love. All of us with kids left them with the Grandparents (thanks Dad) and managed to work it out that we could all make it there. Only two of us live in the same town so our logistics were challenged but easily overcome. For nearly a week, we were able to eat, tell the same stories again, golf, ski, hike, run, play Frisbee, shoot pool, sit in the hot tub, play games, and just chill. I am old enough now to appreciate how lucky I am to be blessed with such stand up people in my life and how regardless of other perceptions of you early in life, if you do the right thing, life usually works out. We are going to do this again next year and are already planning.

The day after we got home my wife and my two beautiful, young daughters were seated outside the 18 yard box in LiveStrong Park (home of Sporting Kansas City) to watch the United States Men's National team play Guadaloupe in the pool play portion of the Gold Cup. Electric is the only way to describe it. 20,000 USA fans packed to the gills signing songs, wailing on the horns and drums, dancing and supporting the team like no other. It was one of those moments where you feel so much pride to be an American and being blessed with the  opportunity to share this with my girls and plant the seed for their love of this game was awesome. Five years ago, if you would have told me I would be a season ticket holder to a professional soccer team in Kansas City, I probalby would have asked if you were ill. Now, not only do I get to sit front row for the opening season of the best soccer specific stadium in the United States but so do my girls. For a month now, it's been soccer, goals, signing, dancing, and sharing one of my passions with the loves of my life.

Every Wednesday this summer I have been doing a continued soccer practice session for the Yellow Bugs. The girls from the rec team join Ruby and I at a school by my house to kick the ball around and learn some new skills. They bring their friends and siblings, we keep it informal and fun, while the parents sit in lawn chairs and laugh at me while I run around. They get hot, the fall down, they don't feel like running sometimes, and they every once in a while cry (that is breaking rule number three) but they keep coming back. I don't get paid, nor do I want to. Again, it's about doing something I love and sharing it with someone.

Last week, we made our annual trip down the street to Parkville for the July Fourth weekend Carnival. Ruby is now tall enough to ride some big kid rides and thinks she is the bomb! Little Alice even gets in on the act riding the scrambler with just Ruby and her cousin. It's pretty amazing to see how independent they are becoming and how much sassier they can be. Dear God they act like they know everything. I have no idea where that got that from.... Anyway, the carnival was moved to the high school due to Missouri River flooding but no homes in Parkville have been affected and the sandbags are holding to protect the businesses so not all is tragic. Our family river park is underwater and explaining a flood is more challenging than I thought but it is a good lesson on helping others and how we must be respectful of mother nature.

Last night, we got back in town from a fantastic trip to Iowa to see my Mom, step Dad, my sister, my niece, nephew, and Uncle John. Great bonding time, very relaxing, and great conversation. Not to get to personal but my family has undergone some serious changes in the last ten years and it finally seems to be getting normal again. Time does heal all wounds, even the deep ones, they just take longer and you have to keep them clean. After a weekend of good food, water gun fights, parades, fireworks, a live band, dancing, a bounce house, and a day at the lake we enjoyed a great ride home. I highly recommend driving from Des Moines to Kansas City from 8pm to 11pm on July 4th. It's like a giant fireworks extravaganza.. In every direction you look you see bright bursting flowers on the horizon while smoke pours across the road like a stage at a Phish concert. Eerily magical.

Finally, today my oldest nephew turned 14 and yesterday my old man turned 65. My dad is currently set to ride across Iowa with his older brother in Ragbrai. Two old men riding over 300 miles in their 60's for fun. I pray that I live my life that way and make it to that day as well. I have learned many lessons from my Dad and my nephew, each entirely different but meaningful in their own way. I used to think no one could teach me anything and that I could do it all on my own. Each day I allow myself to listen to others, not judge, and try to just be myself, things have a tendency to work out okay.

You know my car needs four new tires, my house is worth almost 10% less now than when I bought it, we don't have a whole lot in savings, and sometimes my kids make me lose my cool but you know what, life is certainly been good to me. I guess what I am trying to say is we all have a lot of things we can stress out on and there are times when the pressures of work, home, school, relationships, and change seem overwhelming. What I am finding is that if I honestly look at my life on balance I shouldn't complain about anything.

Today I was able to get up, go to work, run at lunch, watch Ruby at Judo, eat some dinner, read a book to my Alice, and write this blog. I have one more thing to do and it involves saying thanks to someone much greater than me. Amen.

Learning to Swim

Talk about an amazing couple of weeks in the swimming lives of my little ones. I have to share this story and I would imagine that most of you will or have a similar story you can tell. Ruby has been doing her best to get better on floating on her own and swimming from me or Emily to the side of the pool. Headstrong is a good way to describe her but stubborn as a mule is more apropos.

With summer upon us and with Emily taking the kids to the pool almost daily I was wondering how long it would take for Ruby to really get it. Yesterday she got it. The YMCA has a multicolor, coding bracket system to identify the ability levels of swimmers. Similar to the Department of Homeland Security "threat level" warning system. Green is for "swimmers". They can swim in any part of the pool and don't have to have parental supervision...unless they are under eight (sorry Ruby). For homeland security this means you are free to travel throughout the country to large outdoor venues and you probably will only be partially groped by security.

The second level of swimming ability is Red. This is for those who haven't taken the swim test yet but are older than five. All this really means is if you drown wearing one of these you are pretty old and it's another way for kids to tease and make fun of each other. "Hey Tommy, I see you still can't swim on your own, you loser." Hey kids are harsh but don't feel too bad for Tommy, he is thirty two. In homeland security parlance, Red is for eminent death. Terrorists are probably standing next to you and you are more than likely going to die. Be prepared for full cavity searches and possibly more action than you've had in a long time when you go through security.

The final YMCA swim level is Blue. This is for all "non-swimmers" and kids under five and their parents. I rock my blue swim band even outside the pool so people might think I have been clubbing or somewhere exciting. Alice sports her blue band with pride but God forbid I put it on too tight and she can't dangle it. God help us if their is no dangling. In homeland security parlance blue is for guarded. You should keep your awareness up and keep your eyes open for any strange looking fellows who happen to be sweating and wearing explosive vests. The explosive vests are usually a dead give away and it's usually a strong indication of terrorist activity.

The big news is that Ruby is now a green level swimmer. It was pretty freaking awesome. The YMCA test is to swim the length of the pool (25 meters) that's 82 feet or 27 yards for all my Republican friends, without stopping, touching the wall or the lane divider. I mean I get tired swimming that far let alone a five year old. Emily and her went to the lap lane to practice and see if she could possibly do it. She made it in practice so of course Ruby wanted to do it right away. They went and got the lifeguard who administers the test and she jumped in and was on her way. She does her own version of the crawl/breast stroke and ever so slowly bobbed her way down the lane and made it. They put her name in the official "swimmer" book and gave her the coveted green bracelet. I don't think she could smile any bigger. My eyes got a bit moist but I just put my head underwater and opened my eyes so I could contribute any watering eyes to the chlorine. Man, she was thrilled and so was I.

Now if she could just ride a bike...

Memorial Day Staycation

This is my foray into the pantheon of blogs discussing the merit of staycationing and tips and tricks for a successful staycation.

It must be noted that the idea of staycationing isn't new but the term is and therefore we must act like it's an idea that has never been discussed before and how much smarter we are than old people. Creating new terms is pretty awesome and certainly makes old ideas seem new and fresh and makes us young people feel like we are contributing something wonderful instead of giving credit to AAA and a host of other travel services that have been talking about this stuff forever.

Our adults only vacation starts next week out in Colorado so in an effort to be the fair and exciting parents we like to believe we are I thought it would be a good idea to do something cool. After much consultation with my five year old, camping and roasting marshmallows in back yard won out. We have done a few time before and it really is a good time, plus they like to believe that it is so crazy to sleep outside.

This was going to be a particular adventurous evening with my five year old niece staying with us as well and bringing my youngest into the mix.  That meant three little ones in the tent with me which isn't really problematic just uncomfortable but we are roughing it!  Thankfully, I have a big ass tent.  It's a Coleman Max Tent 13 X 9 big mother.  There are a multitude of sweet things about it. One, it is easy to put up.  I am no camping enthusiast and it took me about 15 minutes to get this sucker operational.  Two, it has two big rooms inside, one for me sleeping in and one for the three girls. Three by having a zippered wall as the divider, I was able to put on some amazing shadow puppet shows which were mind blowing and quite impressive. As a side note, this made me think about the possibilities of adult shadow porn. Shine a giant light behind you while your doing it and then film the shadow that's projected on the wall.  You are probably thinking this is an incredibly inappropriate side bar to a wonderful story about staycationing. Well the entrepreneurial spirit moves through me at all times and I'm doing my part to save America.

Let's get this back on track. The tent is up and the girls are bouncing around the inside. They proceed to bring out nearly every blanket, pillow, and stuffed animal we own in an effort to make the inside just like their rooms. After they complete the decorations I am off to Dollar General to get a sweet new grill. For all of seven dollars I get the perfect, tiny grill to roast some marshmallows and as night falls we start the fire. Roasting marshmallows with three girls under five is like a game of musical chairs but no chair is ever removed. They just keep rearranging themselves in an effort to stay out of the smoke. I try to explain they are fighting a losing battle but they figure they can outsmart the wind so more power to them.  After I finish eating my tenth marshmallow I tell them it's time to head into the tent. I normally don't gorge myself on marshmallows but my kids really just like to watch them burn in the fire and have no interest eating them so I pick up the slack.  This experience does give us time to talk about the dangers of fire so it's not a complete waste. 

As we hunker down into the tent and the shadow puppet show ends, they ask if they can watch a movie. I try to explain to them that we are camping and how do they expect to watch a movie if we are in the woods. They counter with "batteries" as their answer. Touche. I run inside and get Matilda, which is a good flick but my god they have seen this about 50 times and I figured they could just act it out via shadow puppets but they say no to that one.

Finally, by 10:30pm they are all asleep. I run inside to check the weather and see that a storm is heading our way. At 2:00am I awaken to lightning and a torrential downpour. I am slightly concerned that one of our giant trees may get struck my lightning so I pick the up one by one, run through the rain back inside, put them in bed, and finally lay back down myself. In the morning they are completely oblivious to the fact that we were in a storm but they are pissed that they aren't in the tent. They look outside and see that everything outside the tent is soaked but they run inside it to play.  Later that afternoon, as I am putting all the pillows and such away, I notice an empty bag of marshmallows in the corner of the tent. It seems my little ladies had an entire bag for breakfast while yukking it up out there. Amazing.

After putting everything away and bringing some semblance of normalcy to my backyard they ask if they can camp in the house. I set it up down stairs sans tent and they live it up again that night. The Memorial Day 2011 Staycation is a success. My kids had a blast camping outside and inside of my house and we spent no money on gas, about ten bucks on a grill and marshmallows, and they have some memories to build on going forward. Pretty easy to do and a lot of fun. I have the best kids in the world.

A Word to Graduates From My Uncle Pat

I did not ask permission from my uncle to publish this out to the web but I will ask forgiveness later. My old man and his brothers and sister exemplify the fortitude of their generation. While they might not have had much growing up, they never used it as an excuse or a crutch. All of them have been tremendously successful and at the 125th Anniversary of the School of Pharmacy at the University of Iowa, my uncle Pat Keefe was invited to be the commencement speaker. Here is the speech he gave.

"Dean Letendre, faculty, parents, friends and most importantly graduates that while I no longer live in Iowa I am still at heart, a Hawkeye, and therefore was greatly honored to be asked to be your commencement speaker.  What a privilege to stand in front of these graduates on the 125th anniversary of the College of Pharmacy and at the University of Iowa the states first public institution of higher learning, the first public university in the nation to admit men and women on an equal basis and the university that educates 80% of the teachers, 79% of the dentists, 50% of the physicians and 48% of the states pharmacists.

However after that moment of delight I immediately panicked and asked myself what do I say to graduates that are so much smarter and better educated that I was when I graduated over 40 years ago.

In thinking about that I remembered what my Mother, who never graduated from high school, once said to me.  “he or she may be a 4.0 in school, but a 1.0 in life.”  with that as a reminder I thought I would share with you some of the attributes that I have observed as I moved though my career and life that contributed to others being successful.

*   WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES

Don’t let your mistakes define you.  Learn from them, try to avoid them in the future and don’t let them become a crutch for future failure.  Be honest with yourself, admit you were wrong or made a mistake.  Denial only prevents positive change from happening.  I have observed great companies and individual flounder when they would not admit they were on a path of failure.

*EDUCATION

You have all heard that this is not the end of your education, but only the beginning.  What does that mean?  It took me several years to understand that means more than seminars, staying current with my profession and reading.  It means learning to LISTEN.    So much of my professional success was coming to the realization that I was not the smartest person in the room.  Learning to admit that I did not understand some issue.   Leaning on colleagues and mentors to help educate me and returning the favor as I moved through my career. Recognizing that everyone from the person that takes out the trash, the average employee and the executive all have something to contribute.  Listening and learning how leaders, and we all know them, go about dealing with tough decisions.  It’s easy to lead when everything is going smoothly, but real leaders stand out when faced with crisis.  Finally as your become more successful or move up the corporate ladder learning NOT to listen when people tell you how smart you are or how great your ideas and suggestions.  Get honest input even if it is painful to hear.  Never stop learning, life is a journey that is full of wonderful surprises if you continue to have a thirst for knowledge and new experiences.

*HAVE PASSION

People that have passion for their work are infectious.  They wake up believing they will make a difference that day.  If you get into a career and you don’t have passion then change to another field of pharmacy.  Life is too short to not love what you do, but don’t be so naive to believe that everyday will be a bed of roses or stimulating.  I once had a motivational speaker tell us that great companies do the ordinary things extraordinarily well every day.  All of you will have the opportunity to show passion for your job.  The smile for the patient that always complains.  Answering the phone just as your shift ends.  Giving acknowledgment to a fellow employee for their contribution when everyone is giving you all the credit.  The ability to focus on the 80% that went well vs the 20% that went wrong and work to improve the 20% without losing sight of the 80% that you or your company is doing right.  You will find the 80/20 rule holds for most all aspects of life.  You will meet people in your life that focus only on the 20% and want to bring you down to their level of negativity, don’t let it happen.

*TIME

The greatest gift we possess but the hardest to manage.  Today the majority of you sitting here have no money, debts to pay and glad to have parents or friends here to pay for a good meal this weekend.  But what you do have is friendships and memories that will last a lifetime, because you gave each other the gift of time; to help someone study, helped them celebrate or helped picked them up when they had a bad day.  As you start your career how you use your time will become your greatest challenge and one that will get out of balance constantly.  The old adage that no one died wishing they had spent another day at work is misleading.  Your career is important, work brings dignity, but too often we do not give the time at work our full attention and we short changed our job performance and eventually our careers.  Don’t equate hours worked with job performance.

Make time for yourself, to exercise, recharge, pursue a passion, but don’t make time revolve only around you.

Finally find time to help others.  The saying it is better to give then receive is all too true.

I can remember asking my mother what she wanted for her 70th birthday.  She told me nothing she had everything she needed, but she would love for me to occasionally sit at her kitchen table have a cup of coffee and talk

I have dealt with some of the most successful people on Wall Street and in healthcare.  The ones that made their career their mistress always talk about what they missed.  The ones that found a way to balance their career, family and others seem to have a more joy filled and well rounded life.

If you find yourself unhappy at work, at home or in your life then take stock of how you are spending your time.  

*  Finally MAKE A DIFFERENCE

Pharmacy, as we all know, is an altruistic profession.  The dictionary defines altruism as the “unselfish devotion to the interest and welfare of others.  I have observed that people that don’t forget this makes a difference.  However too often we define making a difference as reaching a certain monetary goal.  Some of us have achieved monetary success but I believe its not because we made that our goal but because we made a difference.

If monetary success alone does not define making a difference then what does:

I have a friend in Cincinnati that has spent his career as a staff pharmacist in retail pharmacy.  But he has volunteered his whole life at a free pharmacies serving the poor that cannot afford their medications.  He has served as the pharmacist on numerous medical mission to Africa.  He makes a difference.

Your teachers that somehow instilled in you the love of learning.  The professors at the University of Iowa and the College of Pharmacy that supported you, cajoled you and helped get you here today and have given you the tools to make a difference.

Your fellow graduates of the College of Pharmacy that have gone on to be involved with local, state and national pharmacy and political organizations that help define what pharmacy is today and will be in the future.

Then all of you that have worked so hard to become Doctors of Pharmacy.  But with this honor comes much responsibility.  Do you know that there a 5x more pediatricians then gerontologists?  Yet we have 2x more seniors than children.  The management of drug therapy for all the baby boomers, as they age, will be extremely important.  You will see major changes in how drugs are distributed in your lifetime, but the clinical skills you have learned and will acquire will be the most important tools to make a difference.  Disease management, patient specific therapeutic outcomes, polypharmacy, the appropriate addition of a drug to a patient’s therapy and collaborative practice with other healthcare professionals, these are some of the areas where you, the future leaders of pharmacy, need to ensure that pharmacy takes a leadership role.  Never forget that you are first and foremost patient advocates.

Some day all of you will be closer to the end of your career than the beginning like I am today.  You will be asking yourself have I made a difference.  What have I done with the great opportunity that pharmacy presented to me.  If you can answer yes that you made a difference then you will have honored the great profession you have chosen, you will have honored this great University and the College of Pharmacy, but more importantly you will have honored yourself.

I would like to end with a quote from Sandra Carey, an author. 

  “Never mistake knowledge for wisdom. One helps you make a living; the other helps you make a life.”

Congratulations!!  May God grant you wisdom as you move through your career and your life. 

Thank you, 

Pat Keefe"

Much love to my Uncle Pat.

The Season Finale for the Yellow Bugs

Perfection. A dynasty. Break us up. All thoughts coming to my mind after our resounding 8-0 final game victory. It was a good day for the Yellow Bugs. Other than the arctic blasts whipping the field in the middle of May, it was a lovely Saturday morning. My old man got to see Ruby play and score three or four goals, my little German continued to own the league depositing four goals herself, and my little Amazon had her first goal of the year.

I barely even coached. It was like I just put the needle on the record and pushed play. It was pretty awesome and at the same time kind of sad. I only have one more year with these girls and they will either go to a club team or stay in recreational. Hopefully, I will have it in me to form my own club but I'm not sure if that is in their best interests and not mine.

The only real coaching of note was my attempt to keep my ace striker in the back and not score.  I put her nearly in our own goal and told her not to go forward but each time it was too much and she would run out, steal the ball, and score. In actuality, the parents from the other team respected the fact I was trying to hold them back. Showing some restraint is appreciated some times.

After it was over, joined hands, gave our final cheer and I thanked the parents for all their help. I'm coaching on Wednesday nights starting on June 1st up by my house. If you read this and have a 5-6 year old bring them up. Just send me an email.

Thanks for reading.

Ben

Soccer Games and Pizza Parties

One can not plan their schedule in the Spring when your plans are dependent on good weather. Needless to say, the Yellow Bugs were supposed to wrap up their season this past Saturday but mother nature rained us out about a month ago, meaning this coming Saturday is our last game.  Why any of this is relevant surrounds the fact that all sporting seasons must be ended with a pizza party of some kind.  My wife started hounding me (and by hounding I mean whispering sweet nothings repeatedly in my ear while sending me countless emails) after the first game to arrange a time for an end of season party.  I must confess, I would much rather focus on coaching but the extracurriculars are as much a part of coaching as the X's and O's.

The plan was set for Pizza Shoppe after our last game for a little post game fun and hopefully a little bonding by the girls. None of them are in the same classes at the same school, but my grandiose visions, has them playing together for years so why not facilitate friendship now. To digress, we did play the best game of the season last Saturday. The other team was very well coached, another Dad not a college kid, and his team seemed to get it. At one point the ball went from our end to there end, follow by a shot by us, which was deflected and taken all the way back to our end. Then, our team actually put a couple of passes together and it went to their end.  Continuous, end to end action which was pretty impressive. You could actually hear parents on both teams talking about how impressive it was.  Our string of domination did continue with Ruby and my German striker scoring about six goals. After the game, I handed out medals to a couple girls who were unable to join us for the pizza party and their certificates.

Certificates? That's right, certificates. Thanks to Microsoft word and awards templates, I was able to make a certificate for each kid.  These were not your, you did a good job, here is a piece of paper awards.  I tried to personalize each one with a funny message.  For instance, Ruby got the "Best Choice of Outfits and Accessories" Award for her ability to go with different headbands and earring choices for each game. After the kids had ate pizza and cake (again my wife told me to get a cake and have them put "Go Yellow Bugs" on it) I presented the medals to the kids and their awards. While I think the kids appreciated them and thought they were cool, it's the parents who appreciate the extra effort.  In a nutshell that is what I think the difference between being a good coach and being a great one, extra effort. Luckily for me, I have a wife who is in turn with all things kid related (she's a first grade teacher) and I love sports. A winning combination.

Back in Business with the Yellow Bugs Soccer Team

The future's so bright I have to wear shades. That is how I feel right now and that is what I see when I watch these seven girls kick the ball around and put beat down after beat down on helpless five year olds. After a three week hiatus, I got back on the field with my girls and we picked up where we left off. 

We had one game rained out the day of my marathon but that was cool because I hate missing games.  Last week, we were in Fort Collins for Easter so I did have to miss that one but another Dad willingly stepped into the drivers seat to steer this machine to victory.  On Saturday, as Ruby and I got out of the car, the smell of freshly cut grass permeated the air, while the sun warmed us up into the proper playing temperature. 

After about thirty minutes of drills I asked the other coach if she was ready to go.  "I guess," was her reply. Not very convincing and a little bit snippy.  Let's hit the highlights quickly on this one.  Ruby and Susie combined for six goals and they didn't score one on us.  The other team did not get frustrated but their coach sure did.  I have one little girl who is practically spinning and dancing while she plays, she has embraced my Capoeira still of soccer, and after we scored our six goal she runs back to our side of the field and says while running, "six to zero Coach."

"Well that's rude," snipes the other coach.

Hold on a minute. First, my player was keeping score herself and in her excitement for our ass kicking we were laying down, happened to say the score out loud.  Now, I understand this is just for fun, and there is no winner or loser, but you better be damn sure that I tell them the score at the end of the game and congratulate them on winning.  If we lost I would tell them that as well.  Let's be real here. I'm not raising some softies and based on the continued participation of my team, their parents like how I coach.

Now back to the other coach for a minute. Here is my main problem with the Premier Coaches they employ in our league (and for full disclosure I sit on the board that oversees this league so I know these people), they are almost all college soccer players and this is their first experience coaching little kids.  Most of these coaches are all very skilled and wouldn't be playing college soccer if they weren't. Just because they are good doesn't mean then can coach.  This particular coach was having them drill step-overs and line drills. Get real! They are five, you should be teaching concepts such as offense, defense, the rules. Foot skills are great to teach, individually but come on this is supposed to be at their level. Secondly, she was yelling at them during the game and you could see the frustration in her face and hear it in her voice during the game. 

Anyway, after the game we enjoyed our post-game cheer and savory snacks.  The Yellow Bugs will crawl all up in your business! Boom!