Oh Deer...

Playgrounds and Ziplines

Similarities Not Differences

In an ever shrinking globe with a multitude of interconnected means to communicate and share in a common humanity, I've never felt farther apart from people. Maybe, it's the pandemic. I miss hugs and I'm not a really big hugger. It's the embrace of family and friends that wraps a little love from their surrounding arms into our bodies. You know, I fly an American flag from the front of my house in recognition that I was fortunate to be born into a place where anything is still possible. It's not a sign of political affiliation it's a sign of my similarities with fellow Americans. One nation, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all. It's as if we have forgotten what we are saying when we say it. 

Swim Meets Are For Meeting

Things look different at dusk. As the sky melts into night more is revealed. As I sit outside in this miracle of nature my perspective is changing. I have a kid, who gets up early everyday. Diligently, goes to swim practice, gives her very best, and comes home smiling. As this her second season, coming off numerous learning experiences, both her and I have a better idea of what to expect. But she teaches me unexpected things on the regular. Last year, she was the slowest on her team in her age groups. She didn’t qualify for conference and while her face could not hide her disappointment, her unabashed joy for competing and being with her friends was evident. 

She immediately asked if she could take private lessons with her coach. Of course, we will make it work. Once or twice a week she worked on her form, her turns. Putting in work on each stroke with the desire to get better. Fast forward to the first meet or the season that I am attending as I type. Two events down and two last place finishes. At first, my overly competitive self thought, we are seriously going to do this again? Then, two things happened, she immediately came up to tell me she set her personal record in both events while at the same time beaming with the pride of a champion and you know why? Because she is made up of all the things you dream your kids will be filled with.

When Explaining Becomes a Lecture

Working from home is new to me, turning a simple question into a treatise on the finer points of government contacts, not so much.

Going on nearly three months working from home now, the conversation went something like this today, "hey Dad, what are you working on?"

"Well, I have to look at our GSA contract pricing and modification we have pending."

"Stop. This sounds complicated so I'm going back upstairs before you start explaining it." Then, she walked upstairs.

When everything feels like a lecture, you stop wanting to hear it. Possibly, she was just coming downstairs to say hi and was being polite and just starting conversation. My natural inclination is to want to explain and drill down into the why I'm doing something, not just the what.

She wasn't at all trying to be rude or mean. She knew that if she didn't say something I would turn this into a fifteen minute one sided diatribe on government contracts. I can do this with pretty much anything.

I'm slightly troubled by this feeling though. Not talking is something I have get better at but I'm scared that if I don't tell them all the things, then I will have let them down. The most valuable thing I have right now is the time I get to spend with them because they will be gone and living their own lives without me.

Progress today is finding the balance and knowing when the right answer is to say as little as possible.

Shoot it with an Elephant Gun

How do you eat an elephant?
One bite at a time.

What if the elephant is systemic racism since the founding of our country?
You have to shoot it with an elephant gun.

Small efforts can have been impacts but big efforts can have societal changing impacts. 

What's a big effort?

How about every single citizen of this country, following the summer of their 18th birthday, does a mandatory two years of service. Military, Peace Corp, AmeriCorps, we can think of a few new ones. Technology has never made us farther apart and we need to physically come together in service for one another.

Probably Doing it Right

Chris woke up early, let the dogs out, let them back in, fed them and made the kids lunches. That was after putting on his uniform of the software industry, jeans and a decent shirt, preferably no visible stains. His hair had the look of what his youngest termed a wave crashing on a beach that was held stiffly in place with dollar store mousse. He continued his morning routine of turning on the lights in the kids rooms, greeting them with far too much chipperness, according to his older daughter, and making his own lunch.

Probably ten minutes after this process began, he heard footsteps and the youngest came hopping down the steps with her usual vigor. She still watches Odd Squad or whatever is currently playing at the 6:30am time slot on PBS so she likes to get downstairs to eat her cereal or if she's lucky, he makes her pancakes or waffles. And my makes, I mean he puts them in the toaster, butters them, and delivers them to the table. At this point, he his work is pretty much done with this one. A few squeezes and hugs and the telling of I love you, are nearly always the very last thing before he heads out into the car to drive away.

During all of this routine, his teenager, whom is ready to be done with eight grade and launch herself into high school or even out of school if she could, makes whisper like appearance from her bedroom to the bathroom. He stands at the doorway to the garage and lobs a hello in her direction which bounces off her hair that acts as a shield to her face and deflecting parental sounds to her ears.

In a moment of frustration or sadness he yells upstairs, "I'm glad I got to see you for a few seconds today!" She peeks out at him for a moment, sort of stunned as to why she's catching flack from her Dad on what to her seemed like a normal morning. Nothing is said though, and he gets in his car and starts the drive into the office. Why did he say that he wonders?

About five minutes into the drive he sends her a text. "Sorry for my attitude this morning. I love you. I hope you have a good day. I just miss hanging out with you."

"It's fine. I love you too."

That made him feel better.

Later that afternoon, he calls his old man on the way home and shares some of what had transpired that morning.

"It's funny Dad, she's doing great, she has a passion that she follows and a strong head on her shoulders. I guess it feels like she doesn't really need me."

He laughs, "that means you are doing it right."