Unrealistic Expectations

Many times it's just necessary to back up and reevaluate the situation you are in and see what you can do to improve it. Waiting on others to read your mind or voluntarily see what you see is not a program you can rely on. Also holding others to standards that you hold yourself to can be difficult when your own personal standards are just higher than other. I actually don't believe my frustrations of late have anything to do with me having personal higher standards, they have to do with me having a higher than normal activity level.

I have to be busy, it's just the way I am. I would imagine I would have been labeled ADHD had my parents not known one of the best ways to manage my disease. You notice I said my disease, I think attention deficit disorder is different in all cases and needs to be treated as such. Well my parents fix was two-fold. When I came home from school, or during the summer as soon as chores were done it was outside until dinner and then back inside once the sun went down. During the school year it was sports and extracurriculars. This wasn't rocket science, keep me busy.

This is where my unrealistic expectations jump up and bite me. Most people want to relax, watch tv, maybe go to a movie, or have a nice evening out. I have to make a calendar note so that I remember to do those things. Doing nothing is an action and I need to spend more time chilling.

Running Redemption

Getting back up after you fall down is vital to your health. If you stay down too long you will be run over or crushed by the unrelenting wait of disappointment. Saturday was my day to shrug off that weight and get my confidence back.

When someone tells you, "oh don't worry it was a good learning experience." Try not to punch them in the face immediately but instead try to see what they see and take a listening approach. Their best intentions is their only motivation and might not understand the full depth of your frustrations at that point. For me, the best thing is to get out there and try again. This weekend at the Kansas City Corporate Challenge 1/2 Marathon was my chance to try again. Here is another little secret to building your confidence back up. Instead of attempting to go right back out and PR a marathon I went the 1/2 marathon route instead. My training was ratcheted back following Boston so a full at a hard pace was doable but not advisable. I want to get better not get set back. It just so happened that the KCCC 1/2 fell right into an open date on my calendar and I just so happened to be "coaching" the men's team. That meant showing up, putting up our giant flag, making sure we had drinks and snacks, and not leaving until everyone was done. That is my kind of coaching. Hell, you don't just sign up for a 1/2 marathon because you think it would be fun, at least you don't if you are normal and it's your first one.

I was blessed with a group of six dudes who had all ran one and were comfortable with the distance. Just show up and run along and everyone will be all good. I had decided I wanted to push the pace on this one and see what I could do. I also wanted brush the remaining lingering effects of the bad race karma from Boston off my soul and this provided that cleansing.

The race itself was not that unique to write about other than it was a modified out and back, you did the first three around the start area and then ran out on a trail for 4.5 and then back the same 4.5 and then one mile to the finish. I did enjoy seeing all my teammates/coworkers and get some encouraging shouts. It was mild 70 degrees with a nice firm breeze and some puffy clouds rolled in on the second half to provide some much needed shade. I finished with a new PR of 1:26:09 for a half, which was over three minutes faster than my previous best.

My main takeaways were this: Rest is important, starting early is the best for me, pace bands are slightly overrated, I don't need a watch, and music was cool. I got to bed early on Friday since Emily was out of town. The girls went to bed so I went to bed. I awoke at 4:45am to get dressed, load the girls into the car, drive over to the in-laws and drop off the kids, and then drive to the heart of JoCo Kansas and get ready to run. During all the early morning corralling, I managed to forget my pace band which caused me to not know the splits I was supposed to be hitting. I did I have my phone which allowed me to track my run with "map my run" app and listen to GirlTalk as I cruised along. I was supposed to go out in 7:00 minutes per mile but the little voice in my ear told me I hit the first mile in 6:27 which was a bit faster than planned. Who cares? I felt good and decided just to see how long I could hang on. Evidently, quite awhile. The music wasn't the distraction that I thought it would be and allowed me to focus less on any pains or tweeks and more on keeping up a high stride turnover and minimal wasted movement in my upper body. Mission accomplished. High beat per minute do help me and allow me to focus on keeping a higher pace and less on getting into my head on what hurts or why I should slow down.

I am back.

Worst to First U6 Girls Soccer Magic

Oh happy days are here again! After a cold, hard struggle this winter the KC Kicks were able to get their groove back and ascend to the top of the U6 Advanced NSA League Table. Sounds impressive, why thank you it wasn't easy. We took a chance by playing up an age group and indoors and with a goalie, lept from that nest a bit early, struggled to get our wings underneath us and crashed into a bush. Lucky for us that bush kept the big predators at bay but not before inflicting some damage. I had one girl quit, lots of sad faces and small amounts of fun. That's not cool.

Somehow the girls stuck it out and we regrouped as the first warm rays of spring warmed our hardened wintered hearts. Overly dramatic...possibly, the way I felt after six consecutive losses...spot on. Some new life was also blown into our team with the addition of three new players. Grace, Helen, and Sophia brought their talents to the Kicks and have been a pleasant addition. My plan is working. Not only am I managing to keep the original seven together from two years ago, I'm starting to get some of their friends. We have ten girls on the team now which led to me splitting them into two team for games. We continued to practice as one team but in an effort to maximize playing time it made more sense to just have two teams. On the whole one team went 7-0-1 and one went 4-4. Combined that is 11-4-1. Their were five teams in our league and two of the other teams were one team that split like us as well. Their combined record was 8-8 so in my warped overly competitive mind we won the solo title and the combined championship. That's like two titles.

Last night was our award banquet. We had pizza, a cookie cake, they played arcade games and my youngest kept asking me for my card so she could get some money. I told her so this is how's it's going to be will all these women in my life. I gave trophies to the kids and medals and certificates to the parents. Literally it is like an giant exhale for me after that party is over. Another season in the books, the girls are markedly better, we are having lots of fun, the team is growing, and we are winning. Damn it feels good.

She's Going the Distance

Hugh props to my wife after a fine performance at the Mother's Day 5K at Corporate Woods in the KC Metro. She has really taken to this running thing and I can tell by our conversation following the race yesterday. My wife like to have running partners. She prefers the social aspect of running with her girlfriends. Talking about their kids, husbands, boyfriends, and life in general she uses it not only for fitness but for funness. The solo road is my cup of tea but we run for different reasons which makes our bond even stronger.

During the race her partner wanted to walk a few times but Emily refused only encouraging her to keep going and that it will be over before you know it. Not walking is a particularly important step for relatively new runners depending on the distance. While I use my own version of the run, walk, run method I think slowing down at aid stations is a good idea but during a 5K you should be able to run at some sort of pace if that is your goal. My wife started out by just wanting to run one hundred yards at a time. Now 5K's are losing their challenge and that leads to point number two. She asked me after the race if I could sign her up for a 10K. Watch out! That is taking it to another level. That is impressive. Before I know it she will be doing a ten miler at Wyandotte with me.

I can't wait.

Now I Remember Why I Run.

I used to remember everything. Every slight, real or preconceived, injury, insult, setback, or injustice but anymore I think my forgetter is getting better. It is claimed that in addiction one of the reasons that addicts keeping making the same mistake over and over is because they "forget" the consequences of the last bender or the appeal of the fix is so strong that the painful memories of the past are suppressed. Running is a way for me to "forget" about the failures of yesterday or the mistakes in the past. It's a time when I feel spiritually connected to God without the material distractions that make up so much of our time.

Yesterday, I exorcised the demons from Boston and got my mind right. I would rather not belabor  my Boston Marathon experience but some background is necessary. I classify it in a couple of ways. Take out the DNF from the actual racing event and ask me to judge all of the Boston Marathon and I will give you a two word answer...the best. It is a world class event, with world class volunteers and organizers. The hype is justified and the experience is one that I will never forget.

I do have one takeaway that I feel that is absolutely necessary to share with any level of runner. From just starting out running around your block to doing twenty-four hour endurance challenges. Running can kill you only if YOU let it. Remember in 2007 when a runner died at the Chicago Marathon it was very similar to this year's Boston; high in the upper 80's with humidity. Here is where I want everyone reading this to be completely honest with yourself and if you come away with the same answer as me then you need to check your head. 

I trained for two years to make Boston. I ran constantly, speed work and hills, long runs and tempos, rain, shine, snow and sleet, blazing summer, with one singular focus, to qualify for Boston and sub three hours there. I mean I did nearly 700 miles this year BEFORE Boston. My wife sacrificed her time so I could run, my work allowed me to run at lunch, I missed my kids practices and events so I could run. It was all about me, me, me. I claimed to be running for others but it's a solo act when you boil it down and it was about me. I tapered correctly, got down to 165 pounds, was eating right, prepared, prepared, prepared and new that I was going to sub three hours, NOTHING was going to stop me. The Boston Athletic Association sent out numerous emails the days before begging people to slow down and enjoy the race. They even took the drastic step by offering FREE entry into next year's race if you were willing to drop out. They were encouraging quitting? Are you serious? That should have been the final signal to slow down and consider just running for fun. Running for fun? Shit, when was the last time I ran for fun? Maybe to my car running with Ruby but not in a race. I ran to either win or prove something.

So race day comes and I get to the athlete's village and it's already hot. I wasn't the least bit worried. I was 100% convinced that the heat would not affect me. No way. I trained too long and too hard to just "enjoy" the experience. What a bunch of crap, that's for softies. I went out and hit my splits until mile eight and by mile sixteen I knew it was all over. In the twenty four hours after the race I lost about seventeen pounds and at one point thought I might die. I'm not kidding. I made some terrible decisions but made one right one and that was quitting. Finishing crossed my mind but I was afraid I wouldn't make it physically and I was thinking about my kids, damn responsibilities.

Ask yourself, you trained for years, you have it built up as the be all and end all of races. I had visions of grandeur, of going out on top and riding off into the sunset. This was to be my last marathon I raced in. It was going to be my PR. I saw myself lifting up my girls, being hugged by my wife and one of my best friends; all this hard work culminating with the pinnacle in marathoning. Not to mention I had told everyone I knew how fast I was going to run and how to track me. I thought I was going to let everyone close to me down and leave them disappointed. I put that pressure squarely on me but I like that pressure. So when you factor all that up what would you do? You would run as fast as you can. Then you get depressed when it all goes to hell.

Yesterday, my soul was healed. My spiritual connection to God was hooked back up and it was like mainlining positive thoughts and love straight into my brain. I woke up yesterday and it looked like rain. The first thing that popped into my head was I need to get to Wyandotte County Park to run. The woods have a mysterious pull on me. I grew up in playing in them in Cape Girardeau, Missouri and feel some sort of physical attraction to being out running around by the trees. My wife left early to pick up the girls from a slumber party so I was along with my thoughts. Kind of scary. It's like going into a dark alley by yourself, you shouldn't do it. It started raining outside. I went downstairs and started shuffling around the house. I looked at Charlotte the dog and decided to go run. In less than ten minutes I had all my gear, extra towels, loaded up the car and drove to the park. It was raining so hard on the drive I could barely see. I started laughing out loud to myself. As the deluge continued I was looking more and more forward to this run.

When Charlotte and I got out of the car we were soaked in no time flat. She was bounding around, raring to go, while I tried to figure out some tracking app on my phone. We were off. Splashing, slipping, falling, and laughing, then we finished the first mile. Nine more, this is great. The woods make a great umbrella and you would be surprised by how loud the woods can be when the rain is coming in sheets. The trail was a big puddle for the first few miles and was a bit more manageable in parts but on the whole conditions were not ideal for fast but ideal for running. That was the whole point. I didn't see anyone the entire time that wasn't in a car. You catch glimpses of the road as you weave through the park so the occasional truck lumbered by but no runners or horses. I did see about ten deer and also what was a first for me. Two turtles walking straight down the middle of the trail. I'm sure they were just out looking for food but they startled me. I stopped and said hello to them and was on my way. There are a few times when you break from the woods, literally rip from the woods they are gnarly right now, with thick roots, vines, huge leaves and tons of growth, try and tell me we don't have more carbon dioxide in the atmosphere. Anyway, you explode into a wide open grassy expanse. Yesterday those expanses were draped in low hanging mist. No sun to speak of but a warm glow to the hills. A warm eighty degrees that was offset by cold drops of water smashing into my head providing a tiny chill and some needed relief. I might has well of been skipping I was so happy. Running just for fun. Slopping up the hills and sliding down the other side. I was disappointed when I was done but couldn't stop grinning. I felt sooooooo good.

Now I remember, this is why I run. If you are running and it's burden then you need to reexamine why you are running. I feel like the Boston sized hole in my soul is now closed. I was running because I thought I was proving something to myself and to you. Now I'm running for the only reason necessary, because I love it.