Don't Put That in Your Mouth

"Don't put that in your mouth."

"Get that out of your mouth."

"What's in your mouth."

These are all common statements and questions that all parents deal with during the first four of five years of their kids lives.  As time goes on you can only hope that you spend less time questioning their oral habits, I mean come on I have girls and yes the view from the gutter is amazing.

On Friday night we got a lesson on what shouldn't be put in your mouth.  As customary when my niece, Maple, is in town, she stayed with us that night.  The girls were all very excited. Ruby had someone to boss around, Alice had someone to play with who wasn't Ruby, and Maple is just happy she is at our house with anyone to play with.

The first lesson of the night was dished out to Ruby.  As previously mentioned, by me and from her teachers, Ruby likes to be the boss.  The following conversation took place as they were playing. 

"Maple, I'm going to be the teacher and the doctor." This is from Ruby.

"Ruby, I'm not playing with you.  I never get to be the teacher or the doctor," said Maple.

"Fine, I'm going to play up here in my room by myself." SLAM!!!

"Alice, I'm sorry I was never nice to you before, You are fun to play with." From Maple to Alice our 2 year old.

"Hey guys, I'm up here in my room if anyone wants to come play or be the teacher." Ruby's futile attempt to reel them back in.

Kids conversations are the best.

Anyway, where was I, oh yes choking.  Later in the evening around 10 o'clock, Emily and I are sitting on the couch watching tv.  Ruby and Alice are both asleep but Maple is still awake.  We let them stay up later on the weekends but Maple would stay up until midnight if you let her.  She gets this from her parents who only see the sunrise if they haven't gone to bed yet.  Well, a little after 10 we hear what sounds like puking.  Our parental ears are attuned for this sound but it also sounds like hacking.  My first thought is, which one is it, and am I going to have to change the sheets.  As my wife runs upstairs, I saunter over to the sink to put my ice cream bowl away and Emily starts yelling. 

"Maple is choking! Get up here!"

"I'm coming." Good lord woman, this isn't the first time.

As I get up to the bathroom, I notice right away this isn't like normal.  For one, their is a lot of bright red blood coming out of her mouth and she is really hacking.  My wife is in disarray.  "What should we do, call 911 or take her to the hospital?"  she yells. 

"Call 911."  I reply.

"Maple what did you swallow?" I ask.

"A butterfly hair clip." she says between hacks. 

So I work with her to keep her calm, while Emily talks to the 911 operator.  She relays to me all the important stuff, no drinking, no heimlich maneuver, no trying to get it out.

At this point Maple is calm, bloodied, but calm. She thinks it feels like something is in her throat but she can breath.  The EMT's get to our house in three minutes (they are awesome) and come up to the bathroom.  They ask her a few questions and talk with my wife and decide to take her down to Children's Mercy in case they have to remove it. 

Maple is in good spirits and it's obvious to us by now that she has either swallowed it or it came back up and was flushed.  To be safe she is hustled off to the ER.  I stayed home with the kids but Emily told me that Maple did have the EMT's laughing by some of her questions and statements.

"That is the biggest police car I have ever seen." said Maple when looking at the ambulance.

"Are you guys doctors?" she asked the EMT's.

"Kind of like that but we are the people who take you to the doctor." said the EMT.

"My mom says doctors are quacks." from Maple, tremendous laughter ensues.

"Emily have you ever been in a police car?" that a weird question that my wife tries to deflect.

"There has been a police car at my house before," says Maple, "because my mom locked her keys in her car." whoa Maple, I had no idea where you were going with that one.

By the end of the night, Emily is back home, Maple's parents join her at the ER and Ruby and Alice sleep through all of it. 

In the morning we explain to Ruby and Alice what happened but it is taking awhile to register.  Ruby was convinced that Maple was just hiding somewhere, rather than actually being gone and Alice just wants a pancake and could care less about all of it.

What I hope is Maple, Ruby and Alice all learned a valuable lesson that small sharp objects have no place in their mouths.  What I learned is kids are hazardous to their health.