It is true that the world is certainly changing and we are living in interesting times. Just look at Snow Days. This was a magical term when I was growing up, something whispered about by friends and spoken only in the depths of winter. The possibility that enough snow could fall like manna from heaven and provide our own winter oasis and respite from school was gripping.
Having been born in Iowa the cold is in your bones. Snow is a part of life and you come to being used to maneuvering in it. Sledding is typically an activity reserved for the weekends. You needed a solid ten inches to cancel school and it better come all at once or you are out of luck. Iowans are a hardened lot, made from a fabric that is not found in all states. Then, in second grade, I moved to Cape Girardeau, Missouri. This sleepy, small city is located in the boot-heel region of Southeast Missouri and snuggled up close to the imposing Mississippi River. It truly is a beautiful place and I enjoyed being raised there but God forbid the weatherman calls for snow. It's an all out riot. The supermarkets are devoid of all staples. The aisles for bread, milk, eggs, etc., are destroyed, literally all that is left is one tanned loaf of ciabatta that looks as if everyone has been squeezing it for freshness.
After that blizzardly half inch of snow arrives it's as if peoples brains fall out. Driving becomes a nightmare, with people smashing into each other all over. Chains are put on tires as they are deemed necessary for driving up what is normally a gentle hill. It's not as if the weather people are any better. Many of us like to act as if the weathermen are simply in it for the ratings, I'm not convinced this is the case. More likely is that they are weathermen and any chance to add an extra couple of facetime minutes on tv the better. What was once the proving ground for want to be anchors, the weatherman is now part of our societal fabric. At my office we spend more time discussing what Katie Horner (weather lady who keeps popping out kids) thinks is going down, than the report (I don't even know the anchors name) about last nights Amber Alert. I mean hell, traffic and weather are reported like five times in a thirty minute newscast.
Speaking of weathermen, my wife thinks she is also capable of filling this role. If any of you know anyone who has worked construction then you are aware that working outside classifies you as a meteorologist. The five years she spent looking in the sky why everyone else was working has managed to sow a seed in her brain that she can tell what the weather is going to do based on clouds. She also has a tendency to lose her mind before a snow storm. You see my wife is a teacher so a snow day is also an day off for her. It's not as if having, all federal holidays, Catholic holidays, two weeks for Christmas, over a week for Easter, and nearly two and a half months for summer are enough, she needs her snow days. When the talks starts of an impending snow my wife turns to the news but not just one broadcast, she needs the 4:30, 5:00, 6:00, 9:00, and 10:00 to get all the information she needs. If she could have the scroll on the bottom of school closing feed directly into her phone, she would. When the news finally comes down that school is canceled, she quickly puts to rest the worry of travel and bolts out the door to hang out with friends, leaving me to think up things to do with the kids now that they want to stay up late.
My work is no better. With the advance of online meetings, skype, instant messaging, and access to company networks virtually, this place becomes a ghost town. While I take it as a point of pride to drive in, and to be honest, I can't get much done with my kids harassing me, you would think the roads are impassable and everyone is stuck. Whatever that case, you can do sweet donuts in the parking lots on days like this and monster e-brake turns and have nothing to fear.
Maybe all this new technology and awareness, plus the 24hour news and weather has made us safer and more prepared causing less accidents and increased productivity. What hasn't changed in the sheer joy of looking out the window and seeing a thick blanket of snow coating everything and realizing you don't even have to hit snooze.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Monday, January 10, 2011
Don't Put That in Your Mouth
"Don't put that in your mouth."
"Get that out of your mouth."
"What's in your mouth."
These are all common statements and questions that all parents deal with during the first four of five years of their kids lives. As time goes on you can only hope that you spend less time questioning their oral habits, I mean come on I have girls and yes the view from the gutter is amazing.
On Friday night we got a lesson on what shouldn't be put in your mouth. As customary when my niece, Maple, is in town, she stayed with us that night. The girls were all very excited. Ruby had someone to boss around, Alice had someone to play with who wasn't Ruby, and Maple is just happy she is at our house with anyone to play with.
The first lesson of the night was dished out to Ruby. As previously mentioned, by me and from her teachers, Ruby likes to be the boss. The following conversation took place as they were playing.
"Maple, I'm going to be the teacher and the doctor." This is from Ruby.
"Ruby, I'm not playing with you. I never get to be the teacher or the doctor," said Maple.
"Fine, I'm going to play up here in my room by myself." SLAM!!!
"Alice, I'm sorry I was never nice to you before, You are fun to play with." From Maple to Alice our 2 year old.
"Hey guys, I'm up here in my room if anyone wants to come play or be the teacher." Ruby's futile attempt to reel them back in.
Kids conversations are the best.
Anyway, where was I, oh yes choking. Later in the evening around 10 o'clock, Emily and I are sitting on the couch watching tv. Ruby and Alice are both asleep but Maple is still awake. We let them stay up later on the weekends but Maple would stay up until midnight if you let her. She gets this from her parents who only see the sunrise if they haven't gone to bed yet. Well, a little after 10 we hear what sounds like puking. Our parental ears are attuned for this sound but it also sounds like hacking. My first thought is, which one is it, and am I going to have to change the sheets. As my wife runs upstairs, I saunter over to the sink to put my ice cream bowl away and Emily starts yelling.
"Maple is choking! Get up here!"
"I'm coming." Good lord woman, this isn't the first time.
As I get up to the bathroom, I notice right away this isn't like normal. For one, their is a lot of bright red blood coming out of her mouth and she is really hacking. My wife is in disarray. "What should we do, call 911 or take her to the hospital?" she yells.
"Call 911." I reply.
"Maple what did you swallow?" I ask.
"A butterfly hair clip." she says between hacks.
So I work with her to keep her calm, while Emily talks to the 911 operator. She relays to me all the important stuff, no drinking, no heimlich maneuver, no trying to get it out.
At this point Maple is calm, bloodied, but calm. She thinks it feels like something is in her throat but she can breath. The EMT's get to our house in three minutes (they are awesome) and come up to the bathroom. They ask her a few questions and talk with my wife and decide to take her down to Children's Mercy in case they have to remove it.
Maple is in good spirits and it's obvious to us by now that she has either swallowed it or it came back up and was flushed. To be safe she is hustled off to the ER. I stayed home with the kids but Emily told me that Maple did have the EMT's laughing by some of her questions and statements.
"That is the biggest police car I have ever seen." said Maple when looking at the ambulance.
"Are you guys doctors?" she asked the EMT's.
"Kind of like that but we are the people who take you to the doctor." said the EMT.
"My mom says doctors are quacks." from Maple, tremendous laughter ensues.
"Emily have you ever been in a police car?" that a weird question that my wife tries to deflect.
"There has been a police car at my house before," says Maple, "because my mom locked her keys in her car." whoa Maple, I had no idea where you were going with that one.
By the end of the night, Emily is back home, Maple's parents join her at the ER and Ruby and Alice sleep through all of it.
In the morning we explain to Ruby and Alice what happened but it is taking awhile to register. Ruby was convinced that Maple was just hiding somewhere, rather than actually being gone and Alice just wants a pancake and could care less about all of it.
What I hope is Maple, Ruby and Alice all learned a valuable lesson that small sharp objects have no place in their mouths. What I learned is kids are hazardous to their health.
"Get that out of your mouth."
"What's in your mouth."
These are all common statements and questions that all parents deal with during the first four of five years of their kids lives. As time goes on you can only hope that you spend less time questioning their oral habits, I mean come on I have girls and yes the view from the gutter is amazing.
On Friday night we got a lesson on what shouldn't be put in your mouth. As customary when my niece, Maple, is in town, she stayed with us that night. The girls were all very excited. Ruby had someone to boss around, Alice had someone to play with who wasn't Ruby, and Maple is just happy she is at our house with anyone to play with.
The first lesson of the night was dished out to Ruby. As previously mentioned, by me and from her teachers, Ruby likes to be the boss. The following conversation took place as they were playing.
"Maple, I'm going to be the teacher and the doctor." This is from Ruby.
"Ruby, I'm not playing with you. I never get to be the teacher or the doctor," said Maple.
"Fine, I'm going to play up here in my room by myself." SLAM!!!
"Alice, I'm sorry I was never nice to you before, You are fun to play with." From Maple to Alice our 2 year old.
"Hey guys, I'm up here in my room if anyone wants to come play or be the teacher." Ruby's futile attempt to reel them back in.
Kids conversations are the best.
Anyway, where was I, oh yes choking. Later in the evening around 10 o'clock, Emily and I are sitting on the couch watching tv. Ruby and Alice are both asleep but Maple is still awake. We let them stay up later on the weekends but Maple would stay up until midnight if you let her. She gets this from her parents who only see the sunrise if they haven't gone to bed yet. Well, a little after 10 we hear what sounds like puking. Our parental ears are attuned for this sound but it also sounds like hacking. My first thought is, which one is it, and am I going to have to change the sheets. As my wife runs upstairs, I saunter over to the sink to put my ice cream bowl away and Emily starts yelling.
"Maple is choking! Get up here!"
"I'm coming." Good lord woman, this isn't the first time.
As I get up to the bathroom, I notice right away this isn't like normal. For one, their is a lot of bright red blood coming out of her mouth and she is really hacking. My wife is in disarray. "What should we do, call 911 or take her to the hospital?" she yells.
"Call 911." I reply.
"Maple what did you swallow?" I ask.
"A butterfly hair clip." she says between hacks.
So I work with her to keep her calm, while Emily talks to the 911 operator. She relays to me all the important stuff, no drinking, no heimlich maneuver, no trying to get it out.
At this point Maple is calm, bloodied, but calm. She thinks it feels like something is in her throat but she can breath. The EMT's get to our house in three minutes (they are awesome) and come up to the bathroom. They ask her a few questions and talk with my wife and decide to take her down to Children's Mercy in case they have to remove it.
Maple is in good spirits and it's obvious to us by now that she has either swallowed it or it came back up and was flushed. To be safe she is hustled off to the ER. I stayed home with the kids but Emily told me that Maple did have the EMT's laughing by some of her questions and statements.
"That is the biggest police car I have ever seen." said Maple when looking at the ambulance.
"Are you guys doctors?" she asked the EMT's.
"Kind of like that but we are the people who take you to the doctor." said the EMT.
"My mom says doctors are quacks." from Maple, tremendous laughter ensues.
"Emily have you ever been in a police car?" that a weird question that my wife tries to deflect.
"There has been a police car at my house before," says Maple, "because my mom locked her keys in her car." whoa Maple, I had no idea where you were going with that one.
By the end of the night, Emily is back home, Maple's parents join her at the ER and Ruby and Alice sleep through all of it.
In the morning we explain to Ruby and Alice what happened but it is taking awhile to register. Ruby was convinced that Maple was just hiding somewhere, rather than actually being gone and Alice just wants a pancake and could care less about all of it.
What I hope is Maple, Ruby and Alice all learned a valuable lesson that small sharp objects have no place in their mouths. What I learned is kids are hazardous to their health.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
My Resolution - Take Action
Part One of Taking Action - Cutting my hair.
Part Two - Growing a sweet beard - pics coming in about a year.
Part Two - Growing a sweet beard - pics coming in about a year.
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