Last Saturday we wrapped up the Grand National AAU Judo Championship in Kearney, Missouri. This was the second tournament that Ruby had ever participated in and probably her best. She got to experience the high was winning her division, and the disappointment of finishing second in the combined bracket (boys and girls). My big takeaway from the whole event was the she hates losing just as much as me. When she got beat by a young boy in her finals match she came off the mat with her head high but started crying as soon as she got over to me.
"Did you try as hard as you could?" I asked.
"Yes, but I don't know what happened," said Ruby.
"Talk to your coach and then take what he says and we can practice to get better and not make the same mistakes." I said.
"Okay Dad."
I cried when I lost all the way through high school. It was part passion, disappointment, and temper but in the end it made me work harder. I hope she channels that the same way I did.
Check out her sweet takedown and pin in the girls finals match.
Friday, July 15, 2011
Friday, July 8, 2011
Why Compete? by Kenney Brink
I am taking a moment to share a piece written by my daughter's Judo coach. It speaks to why I encouraged Ruby to do this sport and why we need more coaches like Kenney Brink.
In a recent conversation I heard someone say, “It’s better for young players to focus on the fundamentals of the game instead of winning and losing. There can be a lot of anguish associated with com-petitive sports for young players”.
It got me to think about how the kids in the class were talking about some of the other entry level sports that they competed in and how they don’t keep score, there are no winners, everyone gets to bat or shoot the ball there are no team trophies. Everyone gets the same generic award and the same generic end of the season party. Life isn’t generic; competition varies in every day functions. I believe that many youth sports are missing the coaches and parents who know how to set the essential ground rules for healthy competition for their athletes.
Since our club was formed, I’ve witnessed an underlying fear or reluctance by many of our kids to compete in a tournament. Some of the kids that do compete are so overcome with anxiety that they struggle to perform during the match. After speaking too many of the kids after the match about how they thought it went, many just answer “I don’t like to compete” or a parent will inform me that they are “afraid it will ruin my child’s confidence.” Judo is a tough and challenging physically and mentally. No one has ever gained confidence without having overcome a significant personal challenge. A parent who shelters their child from challenging situations will keep their child
from developing the vary skill they want their child to learn.
My personal belief on this matter is that competition is an important valuable and critical element of our society. Every child, during the course of his or her lifetime must compete in some form. It may be for grades in school, on the playground with friends or even in the work place for advancement. At some point a child must be empowered with philosophies and values about competition. Reflecting on my own childhood I began to realize that not everyone has had the advantage of experiencing a unique coach or leader who was able to instill a positive philosophy about competition that I had. There are many parents that don’t understand the attitude towards healthy competition.
Through my years of coaching I’ve watched children quit because of a bad experience they had during a tournament. Regardless of the sport or child, it can usually be traced back to parents, coaches or a family member who is solely focused on winning and that the child learns to associate losing with failure. Many times losing for these kids’ results in a verbal or physical punishment. It makes sense why kids don’t like to compete?
During a tournament we ask that a child does their very best, gives 100% effort during the match and utilizes the skills that they have been taught. Winning is not based on the end result of the match but what happened during the match. Did the child gain ground on an opponent that they had lost too previously, did they work in the new technique they just learned, how did they handle themselves after the match was over, regardless if they won or lost. If the end result is a victory…great, but should they lose, then it is my responsibility to figure out why and help them improve. As the child matures this becomes a team effort. This approach empowers the child to focus on something within their control, personal performance. It teaches them to ignore things outside their control, like the draw of the bracket, referees, or what color the opponent’s belt is. It’s a simplified approach to focus on one thing which allows the child to be more suc-cessful.
In our program, we teach self-confidence, self-discipline, self-control and self-respect. These are all life skills that are acquired as a result of an extended participation within our program; these are not skills that can be taught within one or two sessions. One of my fundamental beliefs is that empowering the child’s belief about competition will help them become more self reliant, mentally tough and self confident. By avoiding competition kids may be missing out on the real lessons Judo has to offer.
Why Compete?
By Ken Brink
In a recent conversation I heard someone say, “It’s better for young players to focus on the fundamentals of the game instead of winning and losing. There can be a lot of anguish associated with com-petitive sports for young players”.
It got me to think about how the kids in the class were talking about some of the other entry level sports that they competed in and how they don’t keep score, there are no winners, everyone gets to bat or shoot the ball there are no team trophies. Everyone gets the same generic award and the same generic end of the season party. Life isn’t generic; competition varies in every day functions. I believe that many youth sports are missing the coaches and parents who know how to set the essential ground rules for healthy competition for their athletes.
Since our club was formed, I’ve witnessed an underlying fear or reluctance by many of our kids to compete in a tournament. Some of the kids that do compete are so overcome with anxiety that they struggle to perform during the match. After speaking too many of the kids after the match about how they thought it went, many just answer “I don’t like to compete” or a parent will inform me that they are “afraid it will ruin my child’s confidence.” Judo is a tough and challenging physically and mentally. No one has ever gained confidence without having overcome a significant personal challenge. A parent who shelters their child from challenging situations will keep their child
from developing the vary skill they want their child to learn.
My personal belief on this matter is that competition is an important valuable and critical element of our society. Every child, during the course of his or her lifetime must compete in some form. It may be for grades in school, on the playground with friends or even in the work place for advancement. At some point a child must be empowered with philosophies and values about competition. Reflecting on my own childhood I began to realize that not everyone has had the advantage of experiencing a unique coach or leader who was able to instill a positive philosophy about competition that I had. There are many parents that don’t understand the attitude towards healthy competition.
Through my years of coaching I’ve watched children quit because of a bad experience they had during a tournament. Regardless of the sport or child, it can usually be traced back to parents, coaches or a family member who is solely focused on winning and that the child learns to associate losing with failure. Many times losing for these kids’ results in a verbal or physical punishment. It makes sense why kids don’t like to compete?
During a tournament we ask that a child does their very best, gives 100% effort during the match and utilizes the skills that they have been taught. Winning is not based on the end result of the match but what happened during the match. Did the child gain ground on an opponent that they had lost too previously, did they work in the new technique they just learned, how did they handle themselves after the match was over, regardless if they won or lost. If the end result is a victory…great, but should they lose, then it is my responsibility to figure out why and help them improve. As the child matures this becomes a team effort. This approach empowers the child to focus on something within their control, personal performance. It teaches them to ignore things outside their control, like the draw of the bracket, referees, or what color the opponent’s belt is. It’s a simplified approach to focus on one thing which allows the child to be more suc-cessful.
In our program, we teach self-confidence, self-discipline, self-control and self-respect. These are all life skills that are acquired as a result of an extended participation within our program; these are not skills that can be taught within one or two sessions. One of my fundamental beliefs is that empowering the child’s belief about competition will help them become more self reliant, mentally tough and self confident. By avoiding competition kids may be missing out on the real lessons Judo has to offer.
Why Compete?
By Ken Brink
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Getting Older - It's Not All Wrinkles and Late Night Pees
It has been a good month that is for sure. It hard for me to imagine a better time in my life than the present. While this may seem somewhat contradictory considering the sluggish economy, the wars being fought over seas, and political acrimony and negative partisanship of our current political climate, on the whole my life has never been better. I apologize in advance if this comes off as being particularly braggadocios but I believe if you read this to the end you will find it's more about a perspective on living life on life's terms and not being controlled by things you can't control.
About a month ago I was lucky enough to spend almost a week in Colorado with my best friends in life. These are my four best guy friends in the world, one best chick friend, my wife and their significant others. For full disclosure one guy, who shall remain nameless, let's just say he always has someone significant in his life just never significant to come along, is one of the four best dudes. In total 11 people who, if I had to pick, I would live with on a deserted island and eat them if I had to. That's love. All of us with kids left them with the Grandparents (thanks Dad) and managed to work it out that we could all make it there. Only two of us live in the same town so our logistics were challenged but easily overcome. For nearly a week, we were able to eat, tell the same stories again, golf, ski, hike, run, play Frisbee, shoot pool, sit in the hot tub, play games, and just chill. I am old enough now to appreciate how lucky I am to be blessed with such stand up people in my life and how regardless of other perceptions of you early in life, if you do the right thing, life usually works out. We are going to do this again next year and are already planning.
The day after we got home my wife and my two beautiful, young daughters were seated outside the 18 yard box in LiveStrong Park (home of Sporting Kansas City) to watch the United States Men's National team play Guadaloupe in the pool play portion of the Gold Cup. Electric is the only way to describe it. 20,000 USA fans packed to the gills signing songs, wailing on the horns and drums, dancing and supporting the team like no other. It was one of those moments where you feel so much pride to be an American and being blessed with the opportunity to share this with my girls and plant the seed for their love of this game was awesome. Five years ago, if you would have told me I would be a season ticket holder to a professional soccer team in Kansas City, I probalby would have asked if you were ill. Now, not only do I get to sit front row for the opening season of the best soccer specific stadium in the United States but so do my girls. For a month now, it's been soccer, goals, signing, dancing, and sharing one of my passions with the loves of my life.
Every Wednesday this summer I have been doing a continued soccer practice session for the Yellow Bugs. The girls from the rec team join Ruby and I at a school by my house to kick the ball around and learn some new skills. They bring their friends and siblings, we keep it informal and fun, while the parents sit in lawn chairs and laugh at me while I run around. They get hot, the fall down, they don't feel like running sometimes, and they every once in a while cry (that is breaking rule number three) but they keep coming back. I don't get paid, nor do I want to. Again, it's about doing something I love and sharing it with someone.
Last week, we made our annual trip down the street to Parkville for the July Fourth weekend Carnival. Ruby is now tall enough to ride some big kid rides and thinks she is the bomb! Little Alice even gets in on the act riding the scrambler with just Ruby and her cousin. It's pretty amazing to see how independent they are becoming and how much sassier they can be. Dear God they act like they know everything. I have no idea where that got that from.... Anyway, the carnival was moved to the high school due to Missouri River flooding but no homes in Parkville have been affected and the sandbags are holding to protect the businesses so not all is tragic. Our family river park is underwater and explaining a flood is more challenging than I thought but it is a good lesson on helping others and how we must be respectful of mother nature.
Last night, we got back in town from a fantastic trip to Iowa to see my Mom, step Dad, my sister, my niece, nephew, and Uncle John. Great bonding time, very relaxing, and great conversation. Not to get to personal but my family has undergone some serious changes in the last ten years and it finally seems to be getting normal again. Time does heal all wounds, even the deep ones, they just take longer and you have to keep them clean. After a weekend of good food, water gun fights, parades, fireworks, a live band, dancing, a bounce house, and a day at the lake we enjoyed a great ride home. I highly recommend driving from Des Moines to Kansas City from 8pm to 11pm on July 4th. It's like a giant fireworks extravaganza.. In every direction you look you see bright bursting flowers on the horizon while smoke pours across the road like a stage at a Phish concert. Eerily magical.
Finally, today my oldest nephew turned 14 and yesterday my old man turned 65. My dad is currently set to ride across Iowa with his older brother in Ragbrai. Two old men riding over 300 miles in their 60's for fun. I pray that I live my life that way and make it to that day as well. I have learned many lessons from my Dad and my nephew, each entirely different but meaningful in their own way. I used to think no one could teach me anything and that I could do it all on my own. Each day I allow myself to listen to others, not judge, and try to just be myself, things have a tendency to work out okay.
You know my car needs four new tires, my house is worth almost 10% less now than when I bought it, we don't have a whole lot in savings, and sometimes my kids make me lose my cool but you know what, life is certainly been good to me. I guess what I am trying to say is we all have a lot of things we can stress out on and there are times when the pressures of work, home, school, relationships, and change seem overwhelming. What I am finding is that if I honestly look at my life on balance I shouldn't complain about anything.
Today I was able to get up, go to work, run at lunch, watch Ruby at Judo, eat some dinner, read a book to my Alice, and write this blog. I have one more thing to do and it involves saying thanks to someone much greater than me. Amen.
About a month ago I was lucky enough to spend almost a week in Colorado with my best friends in life. These are my four best guy friends in the world, one best chick friend, my wife and their significant others. For full disclosure one guy, who shall remain nameless, let's just say he always has someone significant in his life just never significant to come along, is one of the four best dudes. In total 11 people who, if I had to pick, I would live with on a deserted island and eat them if I had to. That's love. All of us with kids left them with the Grandparents (thanks Dad) and managed to work it out that we could all make it there. Only two of us live in the same town so our logistics were challenged but easily overcome. For nearly a week, we were able to eat, tell the same stories again, golf, ski, hike, run, play Frisbee, shoot pool, sit in the hot tub, play games, and just chill. I am old enough now to appreciate how lucky I am to be blessed with such stand up people in my life and how regardless of other perceptions of you early in life, if you do the right thing, life usually works out. We are going to do this again next year and are already planning.
The day after we got home my wife and my two beautiful, young daughters were seated outside the 18 yard box in LiveStrong Park (home of Sporting Kansas City) to watch the United States Men's National team play Guadaloupe in the pool play portion of the Gold Cup. Electric is the only way to describe it. 20,000 USA fans packed to the gills signing songs, wailing on the horns and drums, dancing and supporting the team like no other. It was one of those moments where you feel so much pride to be an American and being blessed with the opportunity to share this with my girls and plant the seed for their love of this game was awesome. Five years ago, if you would have told me I would be a season ticket holder to a professional soccer team in Kansas City, I probalby would have asked if you were ill. Now, not only do I get to sit front row for the opening season of the best soccer specific stadium in the United States but so do my girls. For a month now, it's been soccer, goals, signing, dancing, and sharing one of my passions with the loves of my life.
Every Wednesday this summer I have been doing a continued soccer practice session for the Yellow Bugs. The girls from the rec team join Ruby and I at a school by my house to kick the ball around and learn some new skills. They bring their friends and siblings, we keep it informal and fun, while the parents sit in lawn chairs and laugh at me while I run around. They get hot, the fall down, they don't feel like running sometimes, and they every once in a while cry (that is breaking rule number three) but they keep coming back. I don't get paid, nor do I want to. Again, it's about doing something I love and sharing it with someone.
Last week, we made our annual trip down the street to Parkville for the July Fourth weekend Carnival. Ruby is now tall enough to ride some big kid rides and thinks she is the bomb! Little Alice even gets in on the act riding the scrambler with just Ruby and her cousin. It's pretty amazing to see how independent they are becoming and how much sassier they can be. Dear God they act like they know everything. I have no idea where that got that from.... Anyway, the carnival was moved to the high school due to Missouri River flooding but no homes in Parkville have been affected and the sandbags are holding to protect the businesses so not all is tragic. Our family river park is underwater and explaining a flood is more challenging than I thought but it is a good lesson on helping others and how we must be respectful of mother nature.
Last night, we got back in town from a fantastic trip to Iowa to see my Mom, step Dad, my sister, my niece, nephew, and Uncle John. Great bonding time, very relaxing, and great conversation. Not to get to personal but my family has undergone some serious changes in the last ten years and it finally seems to be getting normal again. Time does heal all wounds, even the deep ones, they just take longer and you have to keep them clean. After a weekend of good food, water gun fights, parades, fireworks, a live band, dancing, a bounce house, and a day at the lake we enjoyed a great ride home. I highly recommend driving from Des Moines to Kansas City from 8pm to 11pm on July 4th. It's like a giant fireworks extravaganza.. In every direction you look you see bright bursting flowers on the horizon while smoke pours across the road like a stage at a Phish concert. Eerily magical.
Finally, today my oldest nephew turned 14 and yesterday my old man turned 65. My dad is currently set to ride across Iowa with his older brother in Ragbrai. Two old men riding over 300 miles in their 60's for fun. I pray that I live my life that way and make it to that day as well. I have learned many lessons from my Dad and my nephew, each entirely different but meaningful in their own way. I used to think no one could teach me anything and that I could do it all on my own. Each day I allow myself to listen to others, not judge, and try to just be myself, things have a tendency to work out okay.
You know my car needs four new tires, my house is worth almost 10% less now than when I bought it, we don't have a whole lot in savings, and sometimes my kids make me lose my cool but you know what, life is certainly been good to me. I guess what I am trying to say is we all have a lot of things we can stress out on and there are times when the pressures of work, home, school, relationships, and change seem overwhelming. What I am finding is that if I honestly look at my life on balance I shouldn't complain about anything.
Today I was able to get up, go to work, run at lunch, watch Ruby at Judo, eat some dinner, read a book to my Alice, and write this blog. I have one more thing to do and it involves saying thanks to someone much greater than me. Amen.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)